He calls me sensitive when I get iritated when he comments on attractive women

[Sounsure777]

We were off out for my sister in laws birthday lunch at in laws and my OH said "john so and so's friend wil be there. His wifes apparently really good looking".
I rolled my eyes and got in a bit of a huff.. i dont need to know that.. why say that??!!

Apparently my oh's never met her... i think his mum mentioned ages ago shes very pretty.. i know its just a comment.. im not insecure and i know hed never cheat...thats not the issue .. the issue is just that i dont want to hear my oh telling me x y z is attractive... if hes with his friends and they make those comment then fine.. but as a decent bloke just be reapectful when with ur oh and dont say things like that? He knows i dont like it.. we had a similar comment a few months ago.. watching a tv show he declared so and so is v attractive (i know it sounds petty! Im aware we all find others attractive...its normal!! Just use your inner voice.. dont share those thoughts with ur oh unless they ask u for ur opinion on her?)..

Would u find those random comments irritating? Or am i too sensitive? I know its up to me what im prepared to accept etc but just wondered if other women would have reacted how i did?

All I know is my dh never talks like this, not in front of me and not when I'm not there. He wasn't brought up to talk about women in this disrespectful way. And I don't talk about men like that in front of him and when he's not there.
This can't be a new turn of phrase for your partner.
Some people are cool with it.

He’s a nob.

Turn it back on him. Give him a constant monologue on the things you find hot in other men.

(Joking) DONT do this, but I’m pretty sure he’d have something to say.

So no, it’s not you, it’s him.

the issue is just that i dont want to hear my oh telling me x y z is attractive

why?

If he knows you don't like it than YANBU.

Me and DH comment on the attractiveness of certain people all the time but it doesn't bother either of us. Your DH is deliberately doing something he knows upsets you and that's not on.

What does he expect you to say to that though?
Its not really a conversation starter is it.
Have you ever commented on how another man looks?
I don't think I would appreciate my DH commenting on women. Its a bit old school to remark on how a woman looks as though she is being led round the winners enclosure at Ascot.
What she looks like is neither here nor there if he is married.

i guess it depends on how often it happens. I do think its disrespectful if its all the time, but as a one off i dont think id care

Was that the only times this happened? Because you're mentioning something that happened ages ago. Based on those two comments yabu. If he is one of thse guys who checks out every woman's butt as she goes by or comments all the time yanbu.

I can imagine saying to dh "yeah I heard the guy is super hot. Super hot^. Just to make him roll his eyes. Or if someone is on the telly I might says I wouldn't kick him out of bed. I'm kidding with him and he knows that so it's not an issue.

I wouldn't like my dp doing that tbh. It would make me feel a bit weird... Maybe jealous I don't know. I know some people are ok with it but I wouldn't be, and you're not so I feel like your dp should respect your feelings. Unless you are doing the same about other men, but I don't get the impression that you are.

My dp never really comments on other women's looks. When he has done it's been in a context that hasn't bothered me (the one that comes to mind was a woman at work who had received a bit of a creepy message from an actor she had tweeted.) If he was just going about randonly saying "so and so looks hot", I'd definitely be put out.

Thanks everyone. Yep certain circumstances would be fine.. a wedding.. saying bride looks beautiful.. no issue with that! Its just when its random ... so what that some guys wife is attractive..why tell me that!

And watching a tv series i really hate it when he comments.. i can see shes gorgeous and any man would find her hot.. no need to say it.

He doesnt say it all the time/doesnt oggle women etc.. just every so often a comment. I showed him a u tube click once.. was a funny clip but happened to have an attractive woman.. he rubbe dhis knes and said "oooooo yeh".. 2 secs into the clip.. that was more immature than anything... just doent need to be said/commented on.

Sometimes i dread watching x y z film or tv show as if its got a v attractive/half naked women in it... i shouldnt feel like this?!!

Cattle prod to the veg then tell hm to stop being so sensitive.

He's being a knob ! Keep emotionally controlled .. don't react !!
When I got my train home from work the other day there were some super hot policemen at the station .. I was staring at them !!! ... but I wouldn't go home and say it to my partner !!!!
Looking is fine ! He's looking for a reaction .... any attention !! Keep your cool OP ! X

If you find it unpleasant and upsetting you have every right to ask for it to stop , actually this goes for anything , not just these comments.

It it bothers you - then it bothers you, and he should respect this. If he knows and he still does it then I can see the issue.

We do this all the time, but that’s us.

The issue is - why does it bother you? You say you’re not insecure or jealous and that he would never cheat etc, how do you feel within yourself?

I'm with Magic. If it makes you feel uncomfortable tell him every time. "Please don't comment on the attractiveness of other women. It makes me feel really uncomfortable." If he does it again you can ask "you know how last time you did that I explained how uncomfortable it made me? I'm just wondering now did you forget or do you not care?" If he argues with you you can say "you may prefer me not to mind but I do mind. I thought you might want to know my feelings so that you can give them some consideration." Expect him to be the best version of himself. Don't get drawn into being defensive. You never have to apologise for someone else hurting your feelings.

Don't start thinking it's about you op. I actually find it rude to talk about attractiveness as if it is something objective and I personally don't do it. We all have different ideas about polite conversation. You can expect your oh to consider your feelings

My friends dh is like this. I find it quite awkward.

He's seeing how far he can push you. So I would tell him he's crossed the line. My ex did this and I hated it....he turned out to be a misogynist and only valued women in terms of their looks. I also think it shows lack of intelligence.