Boyfriends friends

[Sunflower579]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years (ages 21 and 23). I've only ever met his friends once and that was right at the start of our relationship. His friends have all cheated on their girlfriends, and whenever they're out drinking they lie about where they are and who they're with. I trust my boyfriend but I don't trust his friends. There have been some incidents in the past where my bf has said he got home at one time but turned out he got home a lot later and had lied about where he'd been. I don't have a problem with it but I don't know why he had to lie. The answer I get is that he was so drunk he forgot or that he didn't want to make it worse. I never actually get invited out with his friends but all their girlfriends are usually there with them, I've questioned this but he just says he doesn't know till he's there that they've come.

Whenever he's with them he's a different person, he's quite rude towards me via messages and we end up arguing and not speaking the rest of the night. I don't know if I'm being naive and he's actually a lot more like his friends than I thought or whether they're just bad influences on him and he can't say no.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with it better. I'm not jealous when he sees his friends, I can't really explain how I feel, a mixture of anxiety, worry, etc I think more than anything. I know I should just trust him but every time I do he just does something that makes me question it. Any advice would be great. TIA

I think you know the answer to this one yourself, really xx

You've only meet his friends ONCE in TWO years? Have you meet his family at all? That's just strange. Do you live together? Go out together?

Yes, I've met all his family and we go out together a lot but we don't live together. I know once in two years is very strange but honestly, he does work a lot so he doesn't see them very often. It does sometimes make me feel that he's ashamed of me or something but he says it's nothing like that, he knows I dont particularly like them and feels I wouldn't go out with them if he asked. I just don't get it at all

His friends sound like morons. Do you remember the old adage, 'Birds of a feather flock together'?

Do you think that this man would make a suitable father for any children you might want to have?

As pp have said, I think it's obvious he's the same as his friends. If the other friends' girlfriends are always there when he gets there then why doesn't he ask you to tag along? He's also being shitty with you when he's texting you because he know's he's in the wrong and is projecting it on you.
Your so young, you have plenty of time to find the right person, please don't settle for this

I can't help but feel I'm sometimes the psycho girlfriend who doesn't like him seeing his friends but I just feel that if he'd been truthful in the past we wouldn't have this problem and yes, that's exactly what I say to him, he could easily ask me to come along once he's there, we are a 30 minute drive apart but I've always said it's not a problem. It just feels he has an answer for everything

Come on, OP. This isn't the man for you. He sounds bloody horrible and his friends sound a bunch of twats, too. You can always judge someone by the company he keeps.

Wouldn't you like to have a nice boyfriend who has great friends?

Sounds like you boyfriend could be just like his friends. Don't settle, you should want better.

You are soooooo young. It really shouldn’t be this much work or effort. Ditch the boyfriend, go and have fun, see the world, do stuff. You shouldn’t be shackled with nonsense like this at your age.

And do the Womens’ Aid freedom program x

Update :

Has argument with him again today, told me he was at home, turns out been in pub all day with friends. Again, lying about where he is. Don't really know what to do now

You know what to do. You are young and you are involved with a liar. Honestly, OP, you would do much better dumping this guy and working out why you put up with this crap.

I know it's hard, but you really do have your life ahead of yourself and you can find a much better partner than this guy.

Yes you are being naive.

I think you know what to do, you just can't face it yet.

He is clearly just like his friends. I'm sure his friends are also capable of acting sweetly in between lying to their girlfriends and being cruel to them.

You cannot change him. Your behaviour is not the problem, even if he is trying to flip it around onto you.

I second the Freedom Programme suggestion, although it's a separate organisation to WA: freedomprogramme.co.uk.

You can do it online, or you can go to a group and do it in person (no obligation to share personal stories if you do, you only have to listen, but it might help you to hear from others' experiences.) It's a 12 week course (2hours a week). Information, not therapy.

It will help you understand these kinds of behaviours, and what to expect from a healthy relationship. (Not this.) Knowledge is power. It's your choice what you do with it once you have it.

Just because there are times when you enjoy this man's company and feel loved, does not mean the rest of his behaviour is acceptable or how you have to live.

The longer you stay with him, the less time you will get with a decent person who won't behave like this and won't treat you like this.

Please pick that future for yourself instead.

OP this guy sounds just like his mates. You say you trust him yet you are ( rightly ) filled with doubts.
A relationship shouldnt be hard work or a source of anxiety.If he’s making you feel like this then he’s not good for you and rather than try to change him( he won’t ) you should ditch him. Enjoy being on your own for a while...it’s better, less lonely and less stressful than being with the wrong person.
Do the freedom programme which helps educate you on bad behaviour and abuse.... and how to recognise it in future partners.
You deserve better than this guy has to offer.

Why would you date someone who gets drunk?

Come on, love. You're 21/23- as gorgeous as life itself. Why on earth should you put up with this shite? Fuck this loser off and go and find your future.

He sounds like a drunken loser.

Don't waste another moment of your young life on this twat.

So, he's your practice boyfriend, the one you make all your mistakes with. That's fair enough but you've probably learned all you can from this one. Time to move on and find a new one that doesn't have all the manufacturing faults this one came with!

I know, it's hard to let go, but he is a habit you have got into, a bad one. You need to see him as a sort of low grade cold: irritating hard to shrug off, but you know you'll feel so much better once it is gone!

Just text him, don't try to talk through it. Make your decision and walk away!

He is a millstone around your neck. Cut yourself free.

He isn’t making you feel psycho...that is your gut waving the “Get Out Now” flag.

Hopefully you have had a bit of fun with him. But that is over now. He is not a keeper. Any more time spent in this relationship is time not being spent on finding a better match. Move forward for yourself...onwards and upwards.

His friends have all cheated on their girlfriends, and whenever they're out drinking they lie about where they are

So you know for a fact that the second part of this sentence is true about him. What makes you think the first part isn’t either?

I know I should just trust him

Eh? why? He has shown that you can’t trust him, by lying to you.

At 21 (or any age for that matter) it shouldn’t be this much hard work.