OH has stropped off, everything is my fault

[rumblededdum]

I am fed up with always being made to feel I'm the bad guy.

Away for weekend with OHs family. My DC who are young adults are at home. Issue arises at home which DC needs some phone advice to sort. I can't resolve it so pass phone to OH. He then starts giving DC some help to try and sort it. However 40 mins later it's unresolved and I know DC has to leave for work in another 25 mins (and isn't ready - and probably hadn't noticed time). I point this out, OH hands phone over, I remind DC who says they'll give in 2 mins. 10 mins later I text DC from another phone to say they need to leave it now.

DC gets off phone not without telling OH. OH then basically tells me off for reminding DC who I am smothering and is an adult and needs to learn responsibility etc. And that he (OH) was trying to help and clearly I don't want him to help, I shouldn't ask for his help in future. I say DC asked for help, we were appreciative but I know no one was looking at clock and I don't want DC to be late or lose this job (first proper job after college). This is wrong apparently. Anyway he then stormed off repeating he's had enough of trying to help etc.

Atmosphere now more than a little strained. I get that he doesn't feel appreciated, but I was just conscious of the time imperative which neither he nor DC were.

I now have to spend rest of weekend smiling in front of his family as though everything is fine.

Tbh your DH has a point, you DC is an adult who doesn't need reminding twice in 10 minutes that they have work

Agreed. One warning was nice... but shouldn’t be necessary for an adult.

Two warnings is over the top. Your D.C. will be late. That’s on them. Not you.

Agree with the others you should have only reminded your son once. Lesson learnt

You shouldn't be reminding your adult children that they need to get to work. How ridiculous. If they can't manage to tell time, that's their problem.

Agree it is ott to remind a grownup twice like that, but your OH reacted childishly. Is there history of the two of you disagreeing over this kind of thing?

I agree with DH

Sorry. I’m all for female solidarity but you’ve been overbearing and interfering. You really should give your DH a full and unreserved apology and don’t do this again. Not everything is your business and not everything is your battle to win. Leave people be. I’m assuming if you’re like this all the time your poor DH is at breaking point! Try and be more normal and not so OTT when you aren’t directly involved in something

So you handed the phone to your OH to sort out, then interrupted twice while he was presumably pretty frustrated trying to fix it, and the final time it meant he’d just wasted the better part of an hour at your request?

I can see why he’s pissed off. And let your children be late, they’ll never take responsibility for their own actions if you’re still wiping their arses for them.

So OP is over bearing reminding your dc needed to leave for work, and let's we have all got involved in something and lost track of time. But it's ok for OP OH to strop off.

The normal adult should have been from OP OH should have ok we will have to do it later when you finish work.

I now have to spend rest of weekend smiling in front of his family as though everything is fine. No you don't, just be yourself.

Sorry normal adult response should have been from OP OH should have ok we will have to do it later when you finish work.

It the kids going to work, not the OH as far as I understood it, and OP had nothing to do with the situation at all but felt the need to control it anyway.

Why did your OH keep on talking, when he knew there wasn’t time? Sounds odd to me.

If they’re old enough to stay home alone and work then you shouldn’t be reminding them twice... I can see your point of view but you need to let them get on with it themselves, otherwise they’ll never learn! If they’re late and get in trouble that’s real life isn’t it. If your oh hadn’t been on the phone speaking to them and you’d been out somewhere would you have rang them to make sure they were going to be at work on time?

You sound like a typical slightly smothering mum of my mother's generation ish. Your oh sounds petulant and easily offended.

This whole situation you describe is a non issue. No one should be reminding adults to go to work, nor should anyone be sulking because someone reminded an adult to go to work.