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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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28 replies

pinkpixie83 · 16/06/2018 08:13

I deactivated Facebook at the beginning of the week due to feeling low and thinking it wasn't helping me.

One friend has been in touch, not a single other one and yes I actually considered a fair few of my Facebook friends as genuine friends, but I guess that isn't really the case is it.

Not sure how to pull this round, in fact I'm not even sure why I'm writing this at all.

OP posts:
NameyMcNameChange00 · 16/06/2018 08:14

If you delete FB then you need to stick to it. It sounds like you did it to try and get a reaction from people and now you’re pissed off that no one noticed. If FB really has such a big effect on you I think it’s really important you just delete it and leave it all behind.

SoyDora · 16/06/2018 08:16

Why would people specifically be in touch about it?
I rarely notice if people deactivate their Facebook, but if I did i wouldn’t specifically contact them to ask about it. I’d just assume they didn’t want to be on there any more.

Ryder63 · 16/06/2018 08:16

^ this x100

Stillblundering · 16/06/2018 08:17

This has happened to me in the past so I totally sympathise. I believe social media is making people terribly lazy and less sociable. It irks me that people do not call, visit or meet up as often as they used to as all communication is via statuses and photos comments. Give your loved ones a bit longer to realise you're off FB as it seems to make people zombie-like. See it as there are a handful of us "awakened" people, the rest are drones!Grin

FunnyBird · 16/06/2018 08:18

It's been less than a week. You've removed the way they did communicate. Give it a chance.
I think you've done the right thing, you are obviously too attached to the constant communication. Give yourself a chance to recover, and try getting in touch yourself. Don't wait for them. Be kind to yourself.

SoyDora · 16/06/2018 08:19

But even if they realise she’s off Facebook, why would they contact her about it? I assume they have other ways to contact her which they regularly use anyway, so why would the lack of Facebook be an issue?
I dont use my Facebook much anymore, I deactivated it for about a year but went back on as it was useful for my DC’s clubs etc. I continued to talk to my real friends via other means (face to face, WhatsApp etc) in that year.

pinkpixie83 · 16/06/2018 08:21

I didn't delete it to gain a reaction, I feel it's better for me, and I am feeling like that.

I just miss the fact that friends that would have checked in haven't. I'm also withdrawing from making all the effort with contact. I am feeling like I'm the one that does a lot of the running in my friendships and decided that I needed to change that.

I just feel a little sad about it.

OP posts:
EKmum15 · 16/06/2018 08:22

I haven’t had FB in 4 years and I’m so much happier. Not comparing myself or my life to someone I knew 15 years ago. The only thing I miss is being nosey! But I like the fact that when I see people I haven’t seen in years, they have no one what I’m doing or have done.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 16/06/2018 08:23

There is no way on earth I would notice if someone left FB!

If your friends have looked for you they may think you have blocked them?

FiveNightsAtMummys · 16/06/2018 08:25

Maybe they feel offended that you just disappeared without saying anything? Or did u message them first so they knew?

Ifeelreallylow · 16/06/2018 08:27

I agree in part with other posters.
I have FB but rarely rarely use it. I've deleted lots of people over the years.

If someone disappeared from my timeline I wouldn't notice for ages. Could be months and then I would think they had deleted me. So why would I contact them?
If they were a real friend they would contact me via a different medium, text or phone.
But I can't imagine any of my friends contacting me just to ask why I deleted Facebook. We're all grown ups and have no need to explain ourselves to each other

LuluBellaBlue · 16/06/2018 08:29

maybe try and build better relationships with your friends away from Facebook xx

HarryLovesDraco · 16/06/2018 08:36

You deleted Facebook and now you miss the contact with your Facebook friends?
I wouldn't notice if any of my friends left Facebook and if I did I wouldn't message them about it.

GreenItWas · 16/06/2018 08:48

Your comment at 8.21. You have removed the way for your friends to check in though surely?

Itwasntmehonest · 16/06/2018 09:04

I didn't delete it to gain a reaction

So why is it an issue that there hasn't been one? Whenever I've deleted FB, I haven't wanted people to notice. I haven't wanted messages asking if I'm ok. I've just wanted to slip away quietly for a while without fuss. I also wouldn't necessarily notice if a friend with whom I had no other means of contact had deactivated, unless I was in contact with them a lot via messenger, or within a group on there. Occasionally I'll think "oh I haven't seen so and so pop up for a while", but that's it.

If you didn't do it for reaction, then I don't think you can be miffed when there isn't one,

bunchofdrapes · 16/06/2018 09:08

If you delete nobody will notice unless you actively announce it.

It's likely most of your network will assume you are still on.

BarefootHippieChick · 16/06/2018 09:08

You do realise that people don't get notifications when someone deactivates their account, so how on earth would they know?! They'd only know if they'd specifically searched for you and couldn't find you. If they haven't been in touch it's most likely they haven't spent much time on Facebook and have just had a busy week.

OakIsBetterTho · 16/06/2018 09:13

I wouldn't have a clue if a friend deactivated their Facebook account. Id only notice at the point when I wanted to send a message, and honestly then if they had already been making noises about deleting it, I wouldn't worry.
I'm not surprised you found Facebook to be an unhealthy platform for you, even without it, you're stressing and stewing about it!

SoyDora · 16/06/2018 09:15

Do you normally post so much that it would be noticeable that you haven’t posted in a week? I can’t see how else you’d think they would have realised you’d deleted it, unless you think they search your name regularly?

Pandora79 · 16/06/2018 09:20

Most people would not notice if someone hadn't posted in a while. No one regularly checks their friends accounts to see if they are still there.

And tbh, even if a friend did delete their FB, I would assume they had their reasons and probably wouldn't mention it to them.

dirtybadger · 16/06/2018 09:21

Just FYI Facebook can be a bit glitchy. One of my friends didnt notice for a couple months because it was still letting her tag me in things. She just thought I had gone non-responsive.

I wouldnt expect anyone to contact you. They have no idea why you got rid of FB. Lots of people have got rid of theirs in the past couple of years because of security concerns, realising it makes them feel bad. Your friends arent going to know youve been feeling low without seeing you recently or you telling them.

IME it helped my mood a lot to come off it. Hope it helps you.

Bubba1234 · 16/06/2018 09:24

If you delete it and you have messsenger it dsnt show that messenger is deleted

FatCow2018 · 16/06/2018 09:26

How would they know?! You sound incredibly anxious and I eould suggest social media really isn't helping with that. Step away and focus less on what other people are doing and more on what you are doing to sort your own self-esteem issues.

AJlove · 16/06/2018 09:55

I hope you did write a status about removing your Facebook... lol that's my pet hate. Everyone has their own lives going on, and in there 500 friends on there list they aren't going to notice one missing. I know I have a Facebook but I rarely use it and would t even notice if half my list disappeared.

AJlove · 16/06/2018 09:56

*didn't

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