Those of you have split up after a long time (roughly 25 years) were you able to rebuild your lives?

[LEMtheoriginal]

I feel I will find myself in this position soon. Devastated doesn't cover it but I feel it is inevitable. I still love him.

I have mental health issues and he can't take any more.

Where do we even start with splitting up? Our dd is 12 and will be devastated but I can't cling on to a man that no longer lives me it's not fair on him.

I don't kniw where to even start. The house is in his name and we have debts. Both our credit ratings are fucked and I wouldn't be able to manage the mortgage alone. There is significant equity .

I can't afford a solicitor and want to keep it amicable.

My heart is broken but I fear I need to line up my ducks

I split with my ex 15 years in, 2 dc, i have MS and depression and anxiety.
I am in a new relationship, v v happy, my kids are too.
Yes it can be done, i thought id never be happy again,
You get one go at life, grab it with both hands

And all the finances and logistics sort themselves out.
In my case i had to deal with harrassment and malicious ss reports, yes it was hard but i am past that now, i fall asleep and wake up happy
If you want to do it, go for it, life is way too short

If there is significant equity, the house could be sold to allow you both to buy smaller properties maybe? Don’t sell yourself short for the sake of being amicable. Or not take what is your due.

The fact that the house is in his name is irrelevant if you are married, as it is a marital asset.

I am getting divorced after being together for 21 years. It’s very early days so I don’t know how my life will turn out, but while the divorce has been traumatic and acrimonious, this bit just after it (papers not yet through and the financial deal not quite done) feels so much more peaceful that it’s a real relief.

I can see that it is different in your case because you don’t want your divorce. Well I didn’t either, but ex’s behaviour towards me and other aspects of our relationship had been untenable for a long time, so I felt I had no choice.

Would your husband go to counselling with you to save your marriage? Are you sure that he no longer loves you?

Also just to say that I was very scared of the prospect of divorce for many years, but I am coping okay, and have found strength that I didn’t know that I had.

So sorry you're going through this. I'm a few months down the line from you ("few ducks"). It's hard and I can't yet answer your question re rebuilding life and being happy again.
It's hard letting go when you still love him. But in my case part of the reason for that was fear of starting again and on my own.
I have mental health issues and he can't take any more.
Do you have counselling? I have found the process of splitting up extremely stressful and upsetting, and have felt very supported by my counsellor.
I can't afford a solicitor and want to keep it amicable.
Does he feel the same? If so, you could try Amicable. They offer different levels of service, some very hands on, some just for the final stages (consent order), at different price levels. As you have a dd and as the financial situation you describe is more complex (assets and debts ) you'd probably be best of with their highest level help. But even that would be at much lower cost than solicitors. You can also call them for advice free of charge. You will get a call back from one of their advisors. If you do that it's worth writing down any questions you have in advance of the call back, so you don't end up forgetting something. I've found them very helpful.

Would your husband go to counselling with you to save your marriage? Are you sure that he no longer loves you?
Yes, please try this first. You said your husband can't take any more and no longer loves you. It is understandable that you feel a burden to him because of your mental health problems. It is understandable if he feel frustrated at his lack of ability to help you overcome your problems and exhausted as this drags on. But this doesn't necessarily mean that he no longer loves you. Have you talked to him about a separation?