DS, Fathers Day, Pocket Money

[somuchunanswered]

I give DS13 pocket money of £40 a month. I’ve reminded him (again) today that it is Father’s Day on Sunday and he tells me he has no money, which I suspected.

I suggest he takes money from his pocket money account at his dads, who supposedly gives him £25 a month. He tells me he doesn’t think he has any money in that, I ask how not if he’s getting £25 a month to which he replies he doesn’t know if he is as last time he checked a while ago, there was nothing in it. It could be ex has given him in dribs and drabs by cash, but I don’t know and don’t want to grill DS about that. I know ex gave him a small amount of cash last weekend. But, it wouldn’t surprise me if the full £25 a month wasn’t materialising very month.

So, do I shell out so he can get his dad a small gift? Or let him learn a hard lesson about budgeting? I’ve always paid in the past, and I gave DS money towards ex’s Xmas last year.

But I’m bloody skint paying for our holiday, his clothes for the holiday, his new school uniform (ex might give me an extra £60, if I ask).

Am I being a horrible cow for the sake of a card and box of chocolates?

Can he make him something? Biscuits?

It looks like you’re separated. Why are you sorting Father’s Day? His family should be doing it.

I bet he doesn’t make a load of effort for mother’s day.

Of course you shouldn't be getting anything.
You've got a 13 yr old getting somewhere between £40 and £65 a month , just for his own spends ???
If he can't work out a way to find a couple of quid for a box of chocs for his Dad from that sort of money, I certainly wouldn't be encouraging his poor budgeting skills by getting something for him / giving him extra.

I give my ds similar age weekly pocket money £10 so he will get it this morning with instructions to go to the shop and get his dad some card and chocs

I don’t know what point in the month you are with your ds and his payday but at that age not all boys can budget for a month

If I was you now I’d give him 2 quid for a card and move on

Ignore it. Not your job. If you rush in and "rescue" him you're doing what women do and teaching your son that he doesn't have to bother with this sort of stuff. In the early days of my marriage I used to pick up two Mother's Day cards - one for mine and one for MIL. In the end my ex just expected me to do it (which was when I stopped).

It would depend if he wants to buy a card and gift. If he does you could advance him the cost of a card and chocolates but be firm and deduct it next month.
13 is not too young to be budgeting and planning ahead

I know it’s his problem, really. But it’s a bit shit for ex to not even get a card. I’d feel bad. He does have a wife, but I don’t feel it’s her responsibility. She does help organise my Xmas present and I help with theirs. I even tried to help DS get her a Mother’s Day card/chocolates this year, but he was being a wee bugger, so I left him and his dad to it.

I think I’ll give him an advance on next months pocket money.

The whole idea of £40 a month (my pay day each month) was so he saved up for small gifts, saved a bit to tide him over the extra socialising in summer holidays, etc. He’s blown on food, Fifa points, and a couple of t shirts at best. I did get a Mother’s Day gift though!

An advance sounds like a good solution.

I’d either advance him or let him just make a card and maybe homemade biscuits or a banana cake or something cheap

I told him earlier that I’d give him the money, told him I was going out in half an hour if he wanted a lift to go get something and he declined. So we’ll see if he goes himself tomorrow when it’s chucking down with rain, before seeing his dad on Monday. I’m not even mentioning it again. 🤷‍♀️

MIne has a girlfriend, she got him organised. His DF will be the proud owner of a bent up bar of turkish delight, slightly soggy as we got the rain today.

Sounds like you gave him your best offer OP

Well, it’s almost 5pm and DS hasn’t been out of the house, so clearly no card or anything happening for his dad.

I’ve just said “thought you were going out today? For a card and something for dad?” He acted like he’s forgotten, then said he had been wondering if we had any paper/card. I replied that we didn’t and he’s gone back to chatting on x box!

Do I leave it that? Do I pull him up on what I think is selfishness?