He has MH problems, which god knows I'm sympathetic about (I work in mental health), but he regularly takes class A drugs, which massively exacerbates them. I've pushed for him to go to NHS rehab, which I know he'd be eligible for, but instead he pins his hopes on a boxing training camp in Thailand where he's planning to get rehabilitated. I know he'll never find the money for this though (been a plan for years).
He's just a horrible person really. I've been through a MARAC due to domestic abuse (not physical). He was seeing DD in a contact centre for a while (not court ordered, though SS agreed with me that it was a sensible idea). Then after a few months they said I should let him see her unsupervised, but not overnight. I can't say I was happy about this, but I really don't believe he would do drugs around her in the daytime, and was glad for her to have some extended time with her dad away from an unnatural setting (which was costing him £800pm for 2 hours pw, which was much less than they both wanted). I've always said that he can never have her overnight until he's passed a few months drugs tests. She got signed off very quickly from SS as they said I was able to make correct choices, hence no need for court or specific orders during that time.
She absolutely LOVES seeing him. He makes an effort when he shows up, takes her on fun days out, teaches her to swim etc. But he's hours late 80% of the time (for a midday pick up), and doesn't turn up 15% of the time. I got around this by not telling her he was planning to come, so if he did, it was a happy surprise. He said he liked her to look forward to his visits, so stopped this and told her anyway  she gets upset and tantrums and is just generally not her usual happy self when he's late/ doesn't show up. I hate that he does this. He doesn't care. Says I exaggerate.
But the latest issue presenting today is him texting me saying she isn't his child, I've been lying to them both for 3 years, and he doesn't want to see her again. This isn't true, and I've never given him any reason to believe this. He has actually definitely had one, maybe two, DNA tests proving she's his. When I said this, he said they were an 'absolute farce'. He said to a mutual friend that I obviously slept with the DNA guy (I had no involvement in the DNA test, I didn't take the sample, no idea of the company). He comes out with this a few times a year, doesn't see her for a couple of weeks then comes back full of apologies. This is obviously upsetting for her, and bloody offensive to me.
AIBU to just say fuck you, you're no good to DD and id rather she forgot about you at this age, than go through life with a dad who picks her up and drops her at his leisure? I know it's partly MH related and these are delusions, but I'm also sure he would not say this stuff sober. I've made allowances for him for years due to his bipolar, but I really think he just has a shitty influence on my DD, who in every other aspect is surrounded by love and happiness and positive role models.
My other concern is that academic research on bipolar shows a significant genetic predisposition, and one way to stop it presenting in her is to ensure a happy, stable childhood. Without him in it, she has this 100000%. With him in it, he just makes her so upset and I'm so positive that the bad outweighs the good.
AIBU to just say take me to court next time you change your mind, decide she is your child and want to see her? See what the judge thinks. If he gives a shit to do it (which I doubt), let him give up the drugs and make positive changes. But if he can't be bothered, which is likely, just leave us the fuck alone as DD would be happier and healthier without him around.
I absolutely despise the man, so I'm not sure if I'm being unfair. Plus his girlfriend (who I've blocked now too) is texting me saying I'm vile for using my child as a weapon and I need to grow up. I really don't feel like I am/ I do! I've facilitated their relationship to my detriment so much even though I wish I could forget he ever existed; I've tried to coparent and even be friends and support him because I have some professional knowledge of MH and substance misuse, can signpost, and know him well and I know the people he surrounds himself with don't encourage him to make good decisions; I'd love nothing more than for him to be a brilliant dad to her, but I really think no dad is better than a shit one. Would appreciate opinions.