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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dd missing prom

10 replies

PromTears · 15/06/2018 19:53

Dd had a dreadful time at school towards the end, lots of reasons but mainly "change of management".

Don't really want to get into all that here.

But it resulted in her leaving school earlier than most of her close friends.

Prom is now approaching and they're all excitedly discussing plans and shopping for dresses etc and of course posting this all over bloody Facebook and similar.

They're not meaning to rub her nose in it but it is getting to her and getting her a bit down totally bumming her out

Must admit I am feeling a little guilty here too as even though I felt at the time we did all we could to resolve the issues, typical mum guilt is kicking in and I'm wondering if I could of done more, pushed her more to be more resilient (I don't really believe that it was really affecting her very badly in terms of anxiety seeming a huge understatement!)

What can I do/say to help her...and me to deal with this?

As it happens she is now sooooooo much happier, has a great job with prospects including potential support to get a degree, has a relaxed social life and a lovely boyfriend who she probably wouldn't have met if she'd stayed at school (bit of sliding doors type thingy). So generally it does seem to have worked out for the best.

Can I also say (probably get roasted alive for this) but I do think schools should allow ex pupils (not those excluded for extreme bad behaviour) to attend prom? I had hoped that those attending would be able to invite a plus one because if that had been the case I think it's likely her closest friends would of sorted it so she could go. Not helpful thinking true but can't help it.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 15/06/2018 19:58

"Prom" is a revolting american import that frankly should be banned.

Have you already reminded her that she is one step ahead of her line-toeing friends by having a job she enjoys?

PromTears · 15/06/2018 21:24

Yea I have said that. She is not really regretting leaving school, more that she's missing out on sharing with them something that for her generation is a rite of passage.

I agree a lot of the prom stuff is nuts and ridiculous amounts of money spent on it which I'm glad I haven't had to spend - but would of course have done so had she gone.

Doesn't mean I can't appreciate why she is sad.

It also partly related to the growing apart of her little friendship group. As about half are heading off to new adventures. Some to uni a couple forces and police training.

They've all been friends since age 5! So it is a big change and she's not the only one who's had a wobble.

I'm friendly with the mum's and they've all had little 'oh crikey now I gotta be a grown up!' Moments especially those going far away.

OP posts:
Ellapaella · 15/06/2018 21:29

Could she go along to the 'pre prom' meet with her friends and/or meet them afterwards?

kirta · 15/06/2018 21:33

How long ago was she there? Has she asked if she can attend? When I was head of year 11, we had a couple of students move away mid year, and we welcomed them to the end of year 'do'. Might be worth an ask?

PromTears · 15/06/2018 21:37

She can't meet up before/after.

She did ask - school have been pretty shite generally if I'm honest - that was a big reason why she ended up leaving early.

not very open minded to pupils experiencing difficulties.

OP posts:
JobQuery · 15/06/2018 22:14

Can you afford to do something really special with her? Weekend in Paris or something while everyone else is doing this?

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/06/2018 22:18

Why can’t she meet up before and after? There’s normally prom after parties surely? It must be very hard for her.

dlnex · 15/06/2018 22:19

I agree with JobQuery, find a big treat somewhere else. Or treat her and the new byf to do something together
If I could have chosen a senior school for DD based on 'no prom' - I would have selected it.

auntiebasil · 15/06/2018 22:27

I'd give her a fab treat to tell her how well she's done.

Joysmum · 15/06/2018 22:47

"Prom" is a revolting american import that frankly should be banned

Luckily you don’t get to impose your beliefs on my and my dd. I loved mine, she’s looking forward to hers.

OP I’d look to do a special evening for her a few select friends. If she likes to plan and organise then let her do it to make it even more enjoyable and notable for her.

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