Relationship!

[natalieell52]

Hi I am looking for advice no bashing to get over married man, I was with him for two years and it’s been so hard getting over him, I fell head over heels in love with him and his wife found out about me and he decided to stay because he didn’t want to lose his kids, which I totally respect and understand and have let him go even though we had a strong bond and connection, his wife is not happy with him and he is not with her, which has been confirmed after speaking with her but they are staying together for kids, it has been so hard to forget him, I cry all the time, can’t sleep, dream of him, we were very close, he said he wanted to be friends and then cut me off which has been hard but I’ve accepted it and walked away even though the last time he told me I’ve been making him happy and we both cried a lot.. I miss him so much and find it hard to get over this, I don’t know what to do with myself and just feel a shell of my former self I have always been very independent, I just can’t forget him and the closeness we had..

I wonder how much his wife cried when she found out the man she trusted most in the world lied to her and held her after his hands had been on a stranger. I wonder how hurt his kids will be when they are old enough to understand their father turned their back on them and stole time they could’ve spent together to be with a stranger instead. I wonder if out of respect for all the pain and suffering you’ve helped cause, maybe you should accept your hurt and leave the tears for those with a wrecked family.

What you do is make a promise to yourself not to get involved with a married man again.
Look at threads on here about tje impact it has on other women and their children and realise the role you played in fucking up someone elses world.
Accept that the love you had was based on a false image of him unless you love duplicitous shits.
Work on your self esteem so that you dont go seeking love in the wrong places and accept the role of second fiddle again.

Well he is a lying, cheating scumbag, his wife is a doormat & you are a gullible fool. Totally agree with pp’s, just walk away - he chose her (whatever bullshit you have decided to believe about it being ‘for the kids’ - he’s back sharing a bed with her, every night, & it’s her he’s shagging now & ‘being close’ to- they aren’t doing that ‘for the kids’ are they!?).

My advice would be to stop romanticising it, it was grubby and full of lies (yep, he was lying to you too I can guarantee it) & get over yourself. Next time choose a man of your own - that way hopefully you get to have an honest and genuine relationship rather than a sham.

I think that people who have affairs are usually extremely selfish and put their own needs and wants above everything else, including their partners/childrens'. This means that if he really wanted you, he'd be with you right now. Surely the fact that he chose his wife over you is enough to make you snap out of it, stop wallowing and pining for him, and be determined to move on?

Of course his wife isn't happy with him. She's just discovered he has been betraying her for two years - and she probably suspected before she found out as he has likely been withdrawn, absent, not invested in the relationship. Who'd be happy living like that? I really hope they're able to repair their marriage and come out stronger than ever - my parents managed this so it's possible.

Any relationship breakdown is hard, but you ARE romanticising this. You had a part-time boyfriend at best. Find something to focus your energy on - career goals, marathon training, online dating - something positive that you can work towards.

He'll probably be back.

If he's staying for the children and not the wife.

But could you trust a man who would do this?

He isn't staying so he doesn't lose his kids. Plenty of dad's are not with the mother of their kids.

Me and my kids dad are not together. He is still as much of a parent as I am. He chose to stay with her because that's what he wants.

As hard as it is, you need to accept that he is a liar and everything he told you about how he felt about you was lies. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. He said what he needed to, to keep you sleeping with him.

He is a user. You need to move on.

No sympathy. It's women like you who wreck peoples marriages. Not on, especially when theirs kids involved. Maybe instead of feeling sorry for yourself which you have no business doing spare a thought for his wife and children. Just get over it, next time maybe go for someone who's not married? Ridiculous.