People who take, take, take

[NoNameNow7]

I'm interested in whether anyone else has got someone like this in their life - who takes endlessly without giving back.

What motivates people like this? How do they sleep at night?

I've know a couple of people like this. One is my brother who takes from my parents but never gives back. The other is someone who seems to lack decency & has no qualms in using people.

Yes, a childhood friend...Now cut out of my life, gone.

I surround myself with kind people, no time for anything else.

Yes there are people who do that but in a way we allow them to if we don't challenge them. You know the saying, people treat you how you let them.

I do challenge this person but I'm not sure other people do.

Can you just not see them?

Yes, easily. I'm just mulling it over and interested in other people's experiences.

I know I'm much happier when I have solely nice people in my life.

I decided this year, at the age of 58, that I'm not taking shit from anybody anymore. It's been quite liberating! One of the people was my daughter but I'm sick of being treated badly. I've done a lot for her but she's been vile. So she's out of my life. Also a neighbour who tried to control me. Honestly life is much better now.

Unfortunately I have but I know I am partly to blame. I don't like to upset people so they take advantage. I need to start being assertive.

You need rock solid boundaries if you keep people like this in your life. I have a friend who is very good fun and can be interesting company. He's good to go for dinner and drinks with. However, he is a massive tightarse and freeloader and a messy sod as well. He really only thinks of himself. So he doesn't get invited to stay with us anymore, and when we go out, we see him for just a few hours and split the bill. It works fine - we enjoy seeing him, and don't get driven crazy by him converting our spare room into a shit tip.

Frustrated, I hear you about getting too old for taking on people's shit. It gets easier, and even more liberating, with practice!

The one I have in my life at the moment is my neighbour. She keeps sending her dc to knock on my door so that I take her to school. I didn't mind at first as I am taking my own child. It is now becoming a daily occurance for pick up and drop off to school.

Yes a friend of mine that I've now distanced myself from. I thought for ages that it was just me but her name cropped up in company the other night and it would appear I'm not the only one.
I just think some people are utterly selfish twunts.

Bubble , I would suggest you either don't open the door or say that your dc is not going to school that day(illness?) Either that or tell the mum that you can't do it

Frustrate, I have thought about trying that but she watches out of her window so knows if I have left or not. Our dc's are in the same class so unless I keep my child off she will know I am lying about illness.

Narcissistic self centred selfish people sleep at night and do it because they have no conscience, how they make other people feel literally does not register with them.

This is why if you cut them out, they move onto the next sucker within minutes with no backwards glance. Therefore, you should have no problem severing ties.

That's so true Jim. I think I'm going to go for it!

No name, good for you! Or send the girl back home?

Tell the mum you will take she can fetch...
If she says no them tell her she will have to as your DD is starting a club.

Frustrate, I have thought about trying that but she watches out of her window so knows if I have left or not. Our dc's are in the same class so unless I keep my child off she will know I am lying about illness.

Then woman up and tell her she’s being incredibly unfair and that she needs to age her own child to school. CF!!

Can you tell the child to go home and you won’t/can’t take her?

Can you send your own DD round?

I think I will definitely need to 'woman up' or failing that move house .

Yes, my elderly father. It does cause issues...he seems to have no clue that I have a life with commitments and responsibilities. He thinks that, when he doesn't need me, I just conveniently disappear into the ether only to reappear again, as if my magic, when he does! Really gets me down. Sadly, he would have absolutely no idea that what he is doing is immoral and that you don't treat people like this.

What happened this morning bubble?

bubble

I had this 35 yrs ago. Cf would even phone me from her work to collect and look after her Dd when she was contacted by the school telling her the child was ill. I did this once. Then I told her that these one-sided arrangements didn't work. I wouldn't help her out anymore. She looked shocked. I'll give her her due, she was quite non-plussed and still acknowledged me.

She never asked again.

I have built quite the reputation for having a quick reaction to bullshit. I spent a childhood being bullied by my father which carried on until I was 31. Then I just walked away from
Him. It was so liberating that now if I encounter another take take taker I just call it or walk away depending on who else I care about is involved. It's the freest way I've ever lived.

Affix your own oxygen mask before helping others OP. You can only be your best kindest self when taking care of that self. It isn't selfish. Just not martyrish. Wishing you luck and strength to get through this challenge!