Husband is depressed

[Bfaz]

Hello

Husband has announced he is suffering from depression and can't see the point in his life, everything is conflicting, he doesn't feel like a good dad or breadwinner and he feels stuck working (he's self employed) but can't quit because he'll let people down, he just wants silence and peace and to find what makes him happy.

I've told him that the hardest part is done by telling me and I will support him through this. I'm going to get him to make a GP appointment today. We've decided that he won't work for a bit and have switched his phone off so he doesn't see the missed calls from customers (there's no one he's promised to go to but they call to find our when he's coming, don't worry it's a non essential job, no one's life or health will be affected by him not answering) What do I do now to help him?

Also, finances. I don't want to think about this, I want to help DH, however the kids have got to eat.
I'm self employed too and currently don't earn a penny as all business income is paying off my start up loan. We use grandparents as childcare a couple of days a week so thankfully have no childcare costs but we are only just scraping by with him working full time. I really feel he's hit rock bottom and don't want him to force himself to work but we are quite literally on our last £100. We get tax credits but not enough to live on. No savings as they all went into my business. Credit card has got £700 to pay off, I have no idea how we're going to pay that so I really don't want to add to it.

As a self employed person will he be entitled to any financial help if he goes to the gp and is diagnosed with depression?

And what do I do now?

I am sorry that I don't have much helpful advice, but I am in a similar situation as my DH is depressed. Having suffered from depression myself, it is sometimes really hard to know what you want other people to do or say, so sometimes just being there and letting the depressed person set the pace of any interaction can help.

I feel so useless and at a loss to support DH as he is dealing with a terminal cancer diagnosis and the months are ticking by on his prognosis. He has had to give up work and this seems to be the main trigger for his sense of worthlessness, because he has always worked hard and now has gone from 84 hours a week to nothing almost overnight. He is waiting to see a therapist through Macmillan.

How I am trying to hold it together is to remember that the cycle of depression is similar to the change curve, and it is a spectrum, so some days may be brighter than others and eventually things will improve if you hang in there. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with DH's constant tearfulness though - he was a soldier and a bouncer, and seeing him crying his eyes out is disconcerting. for you and your DH.

@Bfaz
I'm so sorry to hear this, how worrying for you.
How about you apply for a little part-time job to bring some extra pennies in - even if it's just a short term solution. I know you have your own business too but this would bridge the gap a little.

Also get to your local citizens advice and see what help and advice they can give you too.

Most importantly tho, please get dh some professional help with this as the longer it's left the harder it will become for you both and hopefully he'll start feeling better soon xxxx

Thanks. He's now said he could keep a couple of regular customers to keep a bit coming in, I found a part time job and offered to do it if he could have the kids but he said he wants to spend more time with them... But not that much time because they're hard work (toddlers). So... Plus I don't think I could have viably done it because of timings and clashing but I would have tried. He thinks if he works 2/3 days and has the kids for 2 while I work he might feel under less pressure. I'm getting him a new phone and number so he doesn't have to field calls all the time and feel guilty, and he's written a generic note to put through customers doors saying he can't work for them any more.

Any tips on how to support him? I've never had a close friend or family member suffer from it so am a bit stuck

@andnoneforgretchenweiners that sounds unbelievably tough, xxxx