How can I help my friend? Doormat to controlling husband?

[Paradise73]

Hi this is a very complex story, I'll try to keep it as short as possible, don't want to bore you with unnecessary info.
My best friend is like the sister that neither of us had, we are so close, but she is so frustrating because she won't listen.

Approximately 9/10 years ago her husband cheated, left to live with ow and then returned. This ultimately led to them separating for a while and she was a mess emotionally. I tried to be the best friend that she deserved and support her through this difficult time.
Since then, they have separated and got back together at least half a dozen times.
He has subsequently cheated at least twice more that she knows about and still she accepts him back.
Her confidence is shattered, she is so insecure and in my mind she would do anything to ensure he stays.
She says things like "no one else would want me".
Her weight has absolutely ballooned and she is not looking after herself at all.
I find him very controlling, she is almost like 'yes, yes, yes' to everything he asks of her.
As an example, if he says she can't go out for the eve, she doesn't go and she is always making excuses for him.
While i want to be a good friend and be supportive, I am a little tired of my help and advice falling on deaf ears. I don't know what I can do for her if she refuses to help herself or listen.
I have suggested counselling and yoga to her to try and increase her confidence and yoga as a calming measure but she refuses.
During the previous few months they seperated again....We discussed a girlie holiday to help relieve stress for both of us.
We have a favourite destination that we both love and have amazing memories of because we had a fantastic holiday there a few years ago.
We agreed that we would return and that i would pay as I am on a considerably higher income than her. (She is struggling financially at the moment so I don't mind helping out. She did the same for me when I had some financial problems)
So the holiday was booked and I've paid the majority of it off (depart in Sept)
Now she drops the bombshell that she can't go because he won't let her.... bloody ridiculous and I am furious.
What sort of person/matriage restricts the other half having some fun and relaxation with a friend?
I have not got anyone else to go with me and if I cancel I will lose 50% or so of the balance paid.
I want to be there for her, she is troubled and in a difficult position but she also has to help herself. I don't know what else I can do. I love her like a sister, but I feel so helpless.
Any advice please?

Feeling helpless is the main thing that eats away at people when dealing with situations such as your friends.

Trying to talk to them is usually futile as they've already conformed to this treatment so see no other way or no way out. Never give up though! She may only have you to talk to and as much as she needs to help herself, she cannot do it alone!

I would suggest doing something nice with her that would help remind her that she should be valued and not taken for grated. It's unfortunate that you've already booked the holiday cause you could of used the money to help in a different way but I'm sure there's something you can do to try and open her eyes.

IME you can do nothing but be a listening ear during the times that it all falls apart.

I've a similar friend. On an evening out together (they'd split up) we saw her man with another woman and a blazing row ensued between them. But it wasn't even a couple of months later that they were back together.

I now barely see or hear from her. But as per usual when it gets rocky again, she will be in touch. The last time she got in touch was when he started going out without her, she was indignant and wanted to know if I was going out anywhere. I was actually away on holiday at the time

You can be there for her when she needs you. Perhaps one day she will leave, but it's a case of you accepting that perhaps she won't.

There must be more to your friendship than her relationship status so it could be an idea to concentrate on that. As much as from the outside looking in we feel someone should/must leave their partner, they are not us and we can't make them do that. Frustrating as that can be, it's the truth.

i'd relax. how long is holiday till you go. she could change her mind. He is very controlling narc, and she is his enabler........... it's difficult to break that pattern and he is finacially abusive to her and has affairs. What a croc. Long time between now and sept.......

From your op it looks like they are separated so why is he dictating to her. Hope you can get through to her but ultimately she needs to realise herself when enough is enough. Hopefully she will have that lightbulb moment.

I hope that she does see sense and realise that he is manipulating her whilst doing what the hell he wants. I am getting to the end of my tether and whilst I don't want to abandon her or the friendship, I feel like there isn't much I can do if she won't help herself.
They are on/off all of the time, it's ridiculous. I know that they have been together a long time, but how long before she stops being a mug.