Relationship Shortcomings You Thought You Could Live With

[IhearYouCall]

..... but later found that you can't.
Niggles/red flags that you overlooked but have now got to be too much.

Here's mine:

Lack of passionate kissing (with tongues). I used to love this with other partners. STBXH hates it. So we pretty much never did it.

Holding hands in public (as above. He says it is childish/silly/embarassing). He will hold my hand in the cinema. That's it.

Regular sex. We hardly ever have sex and looking back, this was always a niggle for me even when it was a bit more frequent. Any attempt to discuss this was shut down. I hate feeling so undesired.

Lack of compliments.

Believe it ir not there's more! Enough is enough. I used to think I could live with the above but they have slowly chipped away at my self esteem particularly wrt sex (which is actually really good on the rare occasion that it happens).

Anyone else?

Jealousy. I thought I could just reassure him enough - eventually even marrying him in an attempt to comfort him. Didn't work - he just demanded more and more.

Sensitivity to offence. I thought I could just be more thoughtful and careful and it would be fine. Didn't work. Same as above.

Those were the main ones. Anything else I think I could have coped with. But those two were black holes and became the vortex that eventually ripped the family apart. It was devastating. Sad because he suffers as much if not more than his loved ones do, because of these two traits. He will never be happy. He lives in a state of permanent paranoia that he is being mocked, fucked over and gossiped about

Lack of joy de vivre. Inability to spend money on anything remotely frivolous or unnecessary - e.g. having tap water and salad if forced to eat out, because people are starving in the world. I can't disagree with such principles, but I was unable to live up to them, being an average person with an average degree of greed and selfishness, rather than a saint. I hope the ex in question found someone else who shared his principles with equal ardour - sadly, I couldn't.

Sulkiness.

It's odd my recent ex I could easily cope with his personal foibles (of which there were many) but he turned out to be a complete liar/user.

The kids dad was loyal as far as I know and mostly a good partner. However he seemed incapable of any kind of intimacy. You know when everything is very surface level. It's ok for awhile, but I just felt so trapped and unheard, all I wanted in the world was for him to open up a bit and to feel close, but nope :/

There were many red flags but niggles that got to me in the end...

Exdp's house not just untidy but dirty, cat litter kicked out from the tray just left to gather in corners of the kitchen - at most swept and left in a pile. Kitchen sink drainer/area thick with coffee spills and grinds never wiped up. When I walked around the house without my shoes on the soles of my socks would gain a layer of dust dirt and cat hair, tissues scattered under and around the bed. Urgh.

Adult children living at home never lifting a finger... Just making food and leaving half eaten food on side, jars of jam with knives in and lids off, crumbs where they fell, nothing returned to fridge etc... Once a bag of donuts left half eaten outside the bathroom then left there (kinda in a hallway, carpeted) after cat tried to eat them and made jammy mess. Adult children not being hauled up about the mess, having all their clothes washing done for them. Liked the kids very much but their sense of entitlement drove me mad.

Ex dp wanting to sit cuddled up on the sofa to watch TV, wanting to octopus all night too. Too uncomfy and I'm not 14.

Sulking.
Football fanatics- it took over our home and mood depended on results.
Alcohol and pub mentality- always had to go to pub after work with colleagues for hours and wouldn’t answer phone. But would ring for me to pick him up when drunk.
Financially irresponsible not interested in what money was coming in and out.
Fussy eater- wouldn’t eat any fruit or veg.
No hobbies or interest in health. Would play games on phone and Xbox all day.
Not allowed any pets - apparently they are too much hassle. I now have a beautiful cat whom the kids adore.
Jealousy- didn’t like my friends ended up never really going out with them and if I did he would try and ruin evening.
No holidays he hated traveling the only two holidays we had I arranged and they were stressful.
God reading this back I really did do the right thing ending it after 25 years!

My ex had a large capacity for put downs in public and I was the one with the problem. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I feel sad I allowed myself to be treated so badly over the years. But I’m free now.

A general meanness. Talking about how much money people might have secretly.... and being hardy far too often. In the end I could no longer be arsed!