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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship anxiety and paranoia

5 replies

Gingermimi · 14/06/2018 21:18

Hi all, I’m new here and have joined to get some perspective on my current situation.

I’m currently in the first week of a breakup with my boyfriend of 15 months and it’s all got incredibly messy. It’s potentially a long one this so bear with me.... Wink

So My boyfriend and I moved in together in May (yeah and now we’re not together!) the disaster all started when I was away for a week with my dad in the states. BF had said he was having his work mates round on the Friday night. Now there’s a girl in his team who I have family related issues with (she owes my dad money for some previous business as she was a client) so I’d asked him not to invite her as I don’t want her in my home after what’s gone on. Anyway whilst I’m away she turns up at the party, and I am so angry and I message her directly and say I don’t think it’s appropriate that she’s at my house after whats gone on, she replies with a mouthful and then leaves.

It turns out he then invited her back afterwards and they continue to party in my house. I suffer with anxiety and this then led to me being convinced that something happened that night in our bed, so much so that I FaceTimed him in the morning and asked me to show me our bedroom and he REFUSED saying I should trust him and that I’m a psycho.

Fast forward through my holiday and he has turned on me saying I’ve embarrassed him for kicking off about it from America. And in the end I virtually have to apologise to him for it, and we sort of get back to an ok place but my anxiety and paranoia about the situation is now eating me up and had massively affected the relationship.

The situation now is that we tried to work on it but he has developed some of his own anxiety and possibly depression (which he does have a history of) it resulted in a particularly horrible argument where some awful things were said particularly by him and he even threatened to call the police if I phoned my dad about it! He’s now broken up with me and says there is no way back from whats happened and refuses to accept any wrongdoing.

Now we’ve spoken pretty much every day since the breakup, hes not completely cut me off and part of me thinks we will work it out and then my depression kicks in and tells me it’s hopeless, speaking to him makes me feel better and worse. Deep down I know the relationship isn’t right and hadn’t been for a while before my holiday (we stupidly thought moving in might solve the issues) but it is physically paining me that he’s being so stubborn about being together.

Do you think I’m crazy for thinking that he might be guilty about something and can’t handle the guilt so he’s walking away? I’m also convinced he’s involved with someone else and that’s why he’s so easily refusing to continue with me. A few days ago he was saying how much He loves me and now says he can’t be with me? Oh and we have 5 months tenancy left....

Thoughts?? Xx

OP posts:
springydaff · 15/06/2018 03:50

Erm... where did you learn to accept such a low bar?

Something happened that night Sad

Even if it hadn't, he blatantly disregarded your wishes re the girl in your house - not once but twice.

But something did happen that night.

Why are you chasing him? Why do you want him? Get rid. H'es no good.

PrizeOik · 15/06/2018 04:13

Op it's really not meant to be this difficult.

The who, what, why etc really doesn't matter anymore. Let it be over. Next time, require a little more and love yourself a bit.

The relationship you're meant to be in will not feel anything like this x

MistressDeeCee · 15/06/2018 04:16

So you've been with him 15 months and he's cheated with another woman in your bed. & is twisting things to blame you for his cheating. What's the point of even analysing this total waste of space?

Raise your standards

Gingermimi · 15/06/2018 05:14

I honestly don’t know where the paranoia about her staying the night came from, it was just a gut feeling that I’ve tried to tell myself isn’t right and that I should trust him and that showing me the bedroom was a psycho thing to ask. I think deep down though I know something happened. Sad worst thing is I have to work with them both.

OP posts:
adayatthebeach · 15/06/2018 05:41

Got any friends that might spy on him for awhile? See where he goes and who he is with? Just a thought. You seem to need closure.

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