Hand hold please

[manc42]

Name changed

Recently posted about relationship issues

Fairly new relationship but continuously felt like my own anxiety was causing me to feel uneasy

Last night my OH decided to throw a huge tantrum over something ridiculous and was extremely verbally abusive
He watched me sob swore at me
I slept on the sofa he went to bed (don't live together)
He got up offered me a cup of tea and a hug and off he went to work and I've not heard a work since

This isn't the first time he has been verbally abusive and screamed and shouted
He is like jekyl and Hyde
I think it's done
I've evaluated everything today and things I saw as me being petty were forms of him controlling and being abusive

He has met my DC so I feel terrible he was attached to OH

Please tell me I've done the right thing
I Told him how he is making me second guess myself ruining my self esteem and make me anxious and all he did was mock me tell me I was pissing him off and go back to sleep

You KNOW you are doing the right thing. Nothing about him sounds good for you. He will not be good in you or your child's life. Good luck!

Ltb.
Stay strong op, you can do this.

Thank you
Just feel awful DC came home today and asked for him straight away

I sobbed until my eyelids swelled up last night
He had been Hot and cold for weeks I think he maybe a narc

Reel me in and spit me back out

The shouting and aggressive behaviour last night topped it

And all because I asked if he had had a thjnk about a getaway break I had planned for us

So in actual fact his timing was perfect.
Now you can plan a trip for you +dc to enjoy!!

Definitely ... I will name change it to dc for sure

I don't get how you can leave someone your meant to love that upset sobbing and not even text today

Is he waiting for me to grovel

Why is this so hard

We haven't even officially split up

I've been strong today not messaged or called him
All he has done is follow a couple of women on social media and ignore me

I don't understand after the magnitude of last night how waking up this morning he asked if I wanted breakfast and attempted to cuddle me before he left

I feel broken

He doesn't sound good for you in any way. There is something wrong with him to behave like that.

Your DC will be fine, much less damaging than them witnessing more tantrums/abusive outbursts directed at you.

Make your decision and act swiftly, he will lay on the charm and try to reel you back in and then when he realises you aren't going to take him back he will turn nasty and unleash venom you haven't yet witnessed. Be prepared for that, it is a script that he will follow.

Be strong, looking after yourself is the best thing you can do for your children. Staying in an abusive relationship is never the right choice.

Good luck

I was actually married to a man who took pleasure it appeared in ignoring me cry. Soul destroying that the one who says they love you can be so cruel.
Well rid.
And you are too.

Removed the social media ties I don't want to see anything
He's getting great pleasure out of leaving me squirm

I'm sorry you've been treated like this. The simple answer, to your earlier question, is that he can treat you that way because he doesn't love you. He loves controlling you.

Good on you for being strong enough to end it and sever ties. You have absolutely done the right thing.

Have you ever come across the Freedom Programme? It explains really well, among many other things, why it was he kicked off and then got up the following morning as if nothing had happened.

You obviously have good instincts and resolve that enabled you to call time on this before it got any worse or you were in any deeper. Having a look at Freedom might help you make sense of what's just happened (the bigger picture, not just this final incident) and spot warning signs in future before it gets that far. It made me feel less mad, if you know what I mean.

You're absolutely spot on when you say he's taking great pleasure from the pain he's causing you. That's all that this relationship was to him. (I'm sorry, I know how much it hurts to realise that.)

Take care of yourself. You might feel broken now, but it will get easier. At some point you'll be able to take strength from the fact you took action to protect yourself and DC from any worse.