I have an old school friend with one DS who has found herself in yet another abusive relationship. Her current partner has been both financially and emotionally abusive - and fits the descriptor of "coercive control" to a tee.
Like many victims of abuse, she is caught in a FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) situation. She has made small moves to leave, but each time she is persuaded not to - either because he love-bombs her, or because she finds he has taken measures to ensure she doesn't have enough money to do so.
Over the years, I have supported her time and again; listened to her; pointed her in the direction of people and organisations she can contact. Over the years, she has found herself overwhelmed by what needs to be done to leave - and the repercussions of leaving - and goes back to him.
If it were just her, I would have stepped back a long time ago. However, she has a DS (9) who has a learning disability, who is now bearing the brunt of her partner's rage. He 'accidentally on purpose' knocks him over; he has grabbed him to the point where he yelps; he has pushed his chair violently with him sitting in it. All the while my friend seems to be increasingly disempowered: she can see what her partner is doing, but I don't believe she has the psychological means to extricate herself or her child. It is taking a toll on her DS's mental wellbeing, to the point where he is running away, shutting down, resorting to compulsive behaviours.
My friend is not listening to reason - not even when I tell her that her child's health and wellbeing are at severe risk.
I am angry, and I feel that someone needs to bloody advocate for him, even if she cannot or will not. But I have no idea what I might unleash if I were to take any steps.
Which is why I'm turning to the wisdom of MN. What thoughts do you have as to options that are available? I have considered approaching her DS's school (who are probably aware that all is not well at home, even if they don't have details), who are usually very sensitive and efficient in handling difficult situations. I have also considered contacting SS. I have a feeling that doing the former would lead to the latter anyway.
However:
My friend has little to no support - either practically or financially; her DS's father is also abusive, and utterly useless, and wants little to no involvement in his son's life, and so there is no-one who is either capable or healthy enough to step in and take charge; and, with her DS's learning disabilities, I am hugely concerned that he may be put into a system that is equally damaging for him.
Any and all thoughts are welcome and much appreciated.