DH and I are really struggling in our relationship at the moment, in all honesty we have been since DD was born 2 years ago. I feel I have tried everything I can but nothing seems to be good enough for him at the moment.
The most common arguments we have are:
We don’t get any time together.
This is true but I’m not sure what he expects when we both work full time (I work Mon-Fri normal office hours, DH works shifts – a mix of days and nights, but mainly nights). We can go weeks where we literally see each other in passing in the morning and evening and by the time DD is sorted and the housework is done it’s gone 10pm and I need to go to sleep to get up the next morning! I do get some days of working from home so I try and arrange these when he is off or on a later shift so we at least get some time together, however he doesn’t appreciate that working from home means working, and that I can’t just go out with him or go for lunch on these days and if I do go out anywhere it means taking the laptop with me so I can still work. I have taken days off as annual leave and left DD in nursery so we have some time together just us but this still isn’t good enough for him. However on the flip side, DH plays & watches football most weekends, so time we could have together as a family is usually interrupted. We have limited support for DD as my parents are elderly and DH’s parents aren’t in the best of health so it’s not too easy for me to leave her for a day to spend a weekend day with him watching football (not that I would really want to anyway!)
It’s my fault DD is a bad sleeper
DD hasn’t always been the best sleeper. Up until recently she would still wake during the night (sometimes once, sometimes 3 or 4 times) for either a bottle, or her dummy or just for comfort. We have recently moved house and moved her to a new room and put her in a bed and is now for the most part sleeping through. However, although she is now sleeping through it takes a while to get her to sleep as DH has insisted that we take her bottle and dummy away. So I now read a story, rub her back for a bit and then stand by the door until she falls asleep. This does upset her a bit but she does eventually go to sleep. DH’s way is to read her a story and then leave her it which results in some hysterical crying but she does eventually get off to sleep.
I don’t pay DH enough attention
DD is a mummy’s girl so as soon as I am in the house she will follow me everywhere. She happily helps with jobs, helps cooks dinner (well as much as a 2 year old can) and will help take the rubbish out etc. However if I try and leave the room she will either follow me or cry because I have left her and DH tries to stop her going. If I try and cuddle DH or vice versa DD doesn’t like it and will try and split us apart which annoys DH and he then gets angry with her. If I don’t immediately say hello to DH when I walk in he will make sarcastic comments on how I don’t appreciate him and how I am wasting our relationship. If we are going out or doing something and I ask him to pick a bag up while I get DD in the car, his comments will be that is just the servant picking up behind us and that he just does all the boring jobs.
I haven’t done this, that, the other
I do the majority of the housework (daily jobs like washing clothes, putting out to dry, putting away, loading & unloading the dishwasher, ordering the food shop, household admin, paying bills etc. But instead of understanding the daily jobs that just get done, he will make comments on how I haven’t undrawn the curtains in a particular room or how I have left a light on somewhere when I went out by mistake.
I am literally emotionally and mentally drained trying to keep everyone happy. If it’s not Dh moaning at me for the above (and that is just some of the list!) then it’s my parents moaning they don’t see DD enough or that when they do it’s not for long enough.
Well done if you made to the end – that was an essay and a half!