"Nice Try" (Sex related)

[TimeToGiveUpMaybe]

Hi all.

Brief background, me and husband have been together 10 years. I've been rejected many times sexually. I now tend not to initiate any more, but we do still manage sex once a month (I'd prefer 3 times a week, but clearly, that is never going to happen).

Last night, we were both tossing and turning in bed, and, after wondering whether to risk initiating, I did. His response was "Nice Try", and then he rolled over to face away from me, and went to sleep.

I feel so upset by this. There would seem so many other nicer ways he could have responded. We haven't had any arguments lately, so it's not that.

Probably sounds OTT, but given the background, it just feels like yet another rejection, but somehow colder.

He has said some other stuff, that has made me recoil, like on holiday, after having a meal out, I went to give him a kiss and he called me "Prawn Breath".

I know there are a million worse things that he could say. But comments like the above make me feel like taking a huge step back.

I told him how upset I was, this morning. He laughed and said he was asleep, and then he went to work. When he comes home, he will just behave as if nothing happened.

I honestly don't think he has any idea what a wedge these comments are putting between us.

I feel tearful, and would probably cry if I didn't have customers to see today.

Just wondering how you would feel, if your Husband did this? Or am I just being daft?

I’ve had genetic counseling which was worth less than zero unfortunately.
A lot of time spent explaining genes and very little emotional support

Mine shouts at me if I try to initiate. It's now been 7 weeks. Says I am being unreasonable about it. 😔

Em, no idea how I posted in wrong thread there! Sorry!

Is the monthly sex you do have 'reward based'? My STBXH used to withhold on purpose. I thought it was mismatched drives but then he went on to have an affair. I think someone up the line has said about passive aggressive tactics. I didn't figure that out until we split up.

I would be devastated by that response, it feels like he's degrading you, "nice try" your his wife not some randommer trying to get with him. He seems very distant with you. Is the relationship ok other than the sex life? Once a month is not much for anyone. Those comments could really shatter your self esteem. Say something like that the next time he tries it on with you, see what he thinks to that.

Yes, it sounds to me like a power thing. Sex is on his terms. You should be grateful. You have to earn it. He is benevolent when he gives it. You should be grateful that he gives You everything else you want/need.

To the poster who objected to snogging being equates to a signal that sex could be on offer - can you you not see what a tease he's being? Not to say he should carry on to sex, but he's igniting passionate feelings in the OP and then stopping when he wants to, with no regard for his wife's wishes. It's like a game.

It would be different if he acknowledged that his libido was significantly lower that OP's, and that this is an issue they both need to address. But his remarks seem to give an 'like it or lump it' attitude. Disrespectful and hurtful to the OP.

Are all his other needs in the relationship being met? He needs to communicate with you.

He’s being horrible doing what he’s doing.

I think the power is always going to be with the person with a lower libido until the other person snaps. You are well within your right to think “fuck this” and end things

Been there, got the divorce. It drove me to an affair, which made me realise that my H wasn't the man for me.

How would he react if when he went to start a passionate snogging session, you pulled away and said "Nice try"?

OMG that is dreadful ! If i knew a woman well enough to share a bed with her and she initiated sex, you can be sure that she would have my full attention.