Lights on or lights off?

[Mytwistedimagination]

Back in the day, only second serious bf, even years into the relationship and living together, I preferred lights off for sex on a night. Overwhelmingly due to body confidence issues. I'd have sex in the daytime, so didn't avoid showing my body completely. My then bf, now husband, has recently brought this up as something which made sex frustrating and less than satisfying for him, which caused problems then which are only now coming to light.

Am I the only one to do this? Pretty sure I can't be. Has it caused problems for anyone else? I can't believe he's so shallow as to insist this was such a big problem so many years down the line. (obviously if I knew what my body would look like after DC, I'd have been happier with showing it then, but I came from a very private family!)

If it had only just come out now although it happened when you had been together 7 years doesn't it worry you that he could still be doing it now? He managed to hide that one so well you may not notice he had/is doing it again?

Also sex with lights off is not a good enough reason to cheat and have an affair that's not fair on you. He should have used that time to make you feel more confident. I used to prefer sex with the lights off as I was very conscious of my body, but my partner loves my body and always wants the lights on so he can see. Many people are very visual.

Clearly it's entirely your fault that he cheated

He's not trying to justify his affair, he's trying to make it your fault, so that you will think about your supposed faults and not his. And it's working.

You'll get no joy out of this slippery kind of conversation. He clearly has no remorse whatsoever and is happy to make you feel bad about yourself rather than think over his own actions. These mind games killed my marriage, not my ex's affair.

NotTheFordType, why are you sad if women with confidence issues get you lots of regular customers? You should be delighted.