Is there something wrong with me?

[namechanger44]

Does anyone ever feel numb and empty. I feel like this a lot and feel like I have to try extra hard to show affection or even any interest in my boyfriend. I can go from intensely into him so in love, getting matching tattoos and wanting to marry him to not even liking him very much. He says I blow hot and cold and can be distant which is hard for him. But I don't know why I'm like this.

I don't care about anyone's feelings like I really don't. Why? sometimes if I do something and I know I'm in the wrong or have upset my bf or anyone i don't feel bad. Is that normal?

I have to work really hard to maintain relationships I have one main friend and school mum friends who
I don't see out of term time.

I'm always bored and feel like there's more to life like I'm missing out on.

I don't have thoughts of self harm. But I do love a drink because it gives me a feeling of that makes sense
is there something wrong with me?

You really don't care if you upset people? Alcohol will lower your inhibitions, so maybe that's why you like the way it makes you feel. I'm a bit like this, not a very emotional person, my ex used to say I was cold. Turns out I just really didn't like him much.

Alcohol helps us escape from ourselves that's why it's so addictive ( so beware).

I would look to your upbringing and events in your childhood for answers about why you feel like this. How were you treated, what messages did you receive?
A good counsellor might help if you can afford it.

Do you feel bad about not feeling bad, iyswim?

You sound unhappy and unfulfilled to me, does that sound likely? A drink can make that briefly better, might explain why you like that. When is the last time you remember doing something that felt exciting or fun?

What was life like growing up (I'm guessing you're late teens?)?

Oh, school mum friends, not school friends, sorry, then older.

Perhaps you should arrange to speak to your gp? Get a mental health referral?

Hi OP,

Aside from the drinking, I'm in exactly the same position as you. One day I'm head over heels and planning moving in together, the next I'm so over him and I think there must be better.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as depression, and with this comes most of the feelings you describe and addicted tendencies or reckless behaviours, for example alcohol. My reckless habits are mainly spending money and driving dangerously sometimes (not fast and furious, more like going round a sharp bend with the clutch down and having to grab the wheel abruptly!) but with counselling, I understood myself more.

It's still hard for me and my partner as I struggle to know if I'm actually unhappy or if it's the BPD talking, but it's helped us both understand things a lot more.

You may or may not have BPD but I strongly suggest talking to a GP.

I would head to the GP. Go and get your vitamin (B12,D,folic acid ect) levels checked, maybe considering changing your contraception (it can effect your mood) and talk to them about how you're feeling.

I was going to suggest speaking to someone - a GP, perhaps - for a referral to see if you have BPD, OP - so I second Britney's post.