My mother would like to come and stay with me for a few days at the end of the summer, and I've realised that all I've done in my head since we agreed on dates is to run through imaginary conversations with her about Brexit and racism and reading the Express.
That's not normal, is it? I can't do it for two more months, the poison is polluting my brain!
I don't have a good relationship with her: she abandoned her children and went off to do not much at all, really, but presumably with as little interference as possible. She isn't a narcissist or an abuser, there's nothing much to her really. She wants an easy life and by and large she's got it. She lives quite rurally, socialises only with family (her family, not mine) and doesn't have a lot to think about. I know this because she will talk at me almost without stopping for as long as I'll let her. I haven't seen her for a number of years because I stopped making myself available - but then she never asked, until now.
The huge sticking point for me is (apart from the abandonment and the lack of engagement) is that she is politically very stupid, very narrow, and very right-wing. She voted quite passionately for Brexit and since none of it bar the rising food prices is going to affect her, she's golden. She reads the Express so is a thick racist, and the idea of having her in my house now is distasteful.
(If you are reading this and are right-wing, I just want to clarify that I don't think those things about all of you, and I also think the left wing at the moment is lamentable so don't bother, thanks. But my mum is all those things.)
I don't really have any mental health problems bar a bit of depression after a big life event some years ago, all sorted. I'm robust. So this constant stream of bad thoughts is really telling me something and I don't know how to react. Can I really just say 'Sorry, this isn't going to work for me because you're an awful person'? Do I grin and bear it and do mindfulness exercises galore until she's on the train home?