He's cheating - but won't admit it?

[TrustIsGone]

Hello Mumsnet, please, please give me a bit of a reality check. I am hurting and confused and can't think straight anymore. I have wasted close to a year trying to fix my marriage and understand "a struggle" my husband is going through. I don't even know why I'm doing it anymore, but this needs to end.

Here are the facts:

• been distant from me and our family life
• away for work a lot
• finally dragged out the "I don't feel our life is right, my feelings changed, I don't love you anymore, can't bear spending time alone with you"
• secretive with phone
• started going to church (we are not religious?)
• when I get sad he gets tears in his eyes and just looks at me without comforting me
• gets verbally aggressive if I remind his he has responsibilities to me and his kids ("What, I'm in prison?!")
• one of our friends got caught cheating on his wife and he now avoids them like the plague
• once when we were talking about how much he's struggling about his lack of feelings for me I tried to comfort him by touching his arm and he pulled away and said "not now" (still crying)
• said he can't be affectionate with me physically or verbally
• I tried to tell him to leave once and he completely panicked and asked what he's done to deserve that
• denies any and all kinds of inappropriate contact or interest towards another woman
• constant push and pull ("I wanna leave"/"I don't wanna leave"). He hasn't left...

I thought we were happy. I adore him and pamper him constantly. I even put our relationship above our kids - I always thought if we are strong and happy, they will be happy always. I take good care of myself, earn more than him, share home workload. I don't understand.
Am I crazy? Are these pointing to cheating? I know the "I don't love you" should be enough to walk away. And yet, I'm still here, waiting for the anger to come.

My ex mil told me to put relationship before children, her husband died and her dc are no contact due to how she behaved towards them.

My first thought was he is gay too op, sorry.
Either gay or bi but definitely conflicted
with his sexuality.

Apart from that, you are making life far too easy for him, pandering to him? Fuck that, where's your self respect woman?

If a man said that to me then I would gladly help him pack, this is no hotel.

I’d be lying if I said the gay thing didn’t cross my mind. I’d be super understanding and supportive if that was the case, incredibly hurt as I’d be. I asked him a few times and he got angry.

Whatever his reason is, affair/gay/MLC/depression, his behavior has been horrible. Treating me like some evil stranger off the street - I’m your wife, you ass. Mother of your children. Even if the love is not there, why must respect and care fly out the window?

OP - as others have said, it doesn’t matter if he is cheating. And you might never know if he did.
It is clear that he has fallen out of love with you, and is struggling work that. Relationship falling apart is hard.

I think he’s struggling with his sexuality OP.

Just tell him it is over and mean it. You've invested enough time, a year, to no avail. If it can be fixed at all, it'll only be with him outside the home and sorely realizing what he has done and continues to do.

Tell him it is over, take your wedding ring off and file for divorce. It'll either shock him in to change, or if it doesn't, you have the true answer.

Sorry OP. You deserve better.

How anyone can put somebody before their own children, is beyond me.

He sounds gay