Mind if I just sound out?

[mishfish]

Im sorry, I’m normally fine but for some unknown reason my mum decided to send me photos of quite old letters from my ex to my solicitor to ask if my current solicitor has copies. It was completely unsolictated and after re reading them it’s taking up more head space than it should so I wanted to get it off my chest so I can forget about it again.

Anyway, you see the attached? That’s an extract from a letter my ex send to my solicitor about my partner. It was really hurtful at the time but it’s kind funny reading it now because ex:

1. has a conviction for causing unnecessary suffering to an animal
2. not only viciously beat one family dog up, it transpired that his (now ex) wife has to regime another dog because it was so terrified of him it peed every time it saw him, and he threw him down a set of stairs
3. beat his (now ex) wife up when she tried to defend the dog
4. now has a conviction for assault on a female
5. caused me to nearly have a break down
6. left his now ex wife with PTSD
7. had an affair and accidentally got a teenager pregnant, coerced her into having an abortion with the promise of future children then ghosted her
8. gave us all herpes (me whilst I was having chemo!) and pretended it wasn’t from him when confronted about us, and told us we were slags...
9. forced our then 4 year old to do corporal punishment until he was panting on the floor exhausted and disassociated
10. felt so conflicted due to hearing non stop slagging off of my partner to him was too scared to even say his name in front of his dad
11. actually I’ve not ever said a single bad word to our son about his dad.

So actually, the fact that he has said all those things about his own character and about my (quite frankly amazing) partner, is actually quite laughable

Thank you Mumsnet. I feel better just for typing that. Sorry if it didn’t make much sense. I don’t really have too many people in real life to talk about it to

Good heavens that's a lot of drama. Your well shut of him and I hope the head clearing helped you put it all in perspective.

Yes it has thank you. It took me a long time as I didn’t realise at the time but he’s simply your text book domestic abuser so nothing he says is actually a reflection of me, more him. This is about 6 years old this letter. I’d pretty much forgotten about it but opened a what’s app and it was there. I’m just trying to laugh at the irony of someone with all of the above talking about gentlemanly conduct. My heart rate is nearly back to normal now.

I have an exh too, who looks in the mirror and sees someone different to that seen by me, DC, solicitors, mediators, counsellors, teachers, my family and joint friends, etc etc.
But his family think he's normal and I'm clearly mental for leaving him - it's definitely a mirror big enough for ALL his family!
You're doing fabulously - I can't wait til I'm six years free too.

A bit odd...why do you think your mother has sent them to you at this point?

@Teabay unfortunately this one also has joint friends brain washed too. Some have even heard the audio recording of him beating his wife and dog up and choose to continue the friendship with him 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m actually 8 years free, this was 2 years after we split. It gets easier, I had counselling which helped

@spongebobjudgeypants she says she was looking for something and come across them. I told her that of course I do and of course my currently solicitor has a copy and to not send me stuff like that again as it gives me anxiety.

I think that was a good move re your mother Mish. Has she previously done stuff that maybe wasn't thought through properly, like this?

@spongebob She has form for this sort of thing. It was completely out of order and I have no idea why she couldn’t have messaged me asking if I had the originals as she has the copies rather than specific extracts sent straight to my what’s app (and therefore saved to my photo gallery)

What a horrible man he is.

Thank heavens he's history.

Ah. Yes, I wondered this. I would suggest you maybe try and find ways of protecting yourself from this kind of thing, as she has Previous Convictions for it. Maybe get your partner to intercept it/act as a buffer? And yes, I remember finding the divorce petition a while after the divorce, and being horrified and reliving some of what I had put up with. I wonder if maybe, once we are divorced, we kind of scramble a lot of the finer detail of the things that happened as a way of dealing with bad stuff. But it is unpleasant to be reminded.