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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do men wait to be texted?

30 replies

EmmashouldI · 12/06/2018 19:51

So I met a guy went on 5 dates in two weeks things were going great. He last text Thursday I just responded with a few words didn’t give him anything to come back to.

I haven’t heard from him since but I haven’t text him either.

I just wondered do men, like some of us women wait to be texted first?

I’m wondering if I’m being ghosted or coming across like I just don’t care and that’s why he hasn’t text. I do like him but could go either way tbh. I just know if I text him and he doesn’t respond then I’ll probably like him more and feel rejected. The old want what you can’t have.

So basically do some men want to be texted first?

OP posts:
Butterflykissess · 12/06/2018 19:54

you havent spoken in almost a week Shock. yeh i will forget about rhat one hes just not into you.

futurestar · 12/06/2018 19:55

I think if someone likes you, they reply x

Chocolate123 · 12/06/2018 20:39

I don't see why you have to wait for a guy to text. If you want to know then text him if you get a reply great if not then you'll know instead of second guessing. I think it works both ways.

lostinjapan · 12/06/2018 21:46

I'm not a man, but I imagine they're just human beings like us, and some might be shy, socially awkward or scared of rejection. So I've never understood the Mumsnet mantra that 'if a man likes you, he'll text you'.

You don't say whether he initiated the last conversation or not, but you sent him a text that didn't require a response and you haven't contacted him since. Maybe he's thinking the exact same as you, that you're not interested.

You shouldn't be the one constantly doing the chasing (and neither should he), but in this situation I think it's worth sending him a text.

Original poster
EmmashouldI · 12/06/2018 22:06

To be entirely honest he has text me first everytime.

That’s what I was thinking is he just waiting for me to text first. I have read though lots of times wait for the guy to text first. What if he thinks she never text me first and then thinks she probably isn’t interested.

God sound so pathetic. I haven’t dated in nearly 15 years rules have changed and I’m feeling lost.

OP posts:
Chocolate123 · 12/06/2018 22:10

Well if it was the other way around and you were texting first all the time you'd be thinking he wasn't interested. Just text him and see

Original poster
EmmashouldI · 15/06/2018 17:21

An update I texted him and heard nothing back guess that is my answer right there ghosted.

I feel like shit tbh.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 15/06/2018 17:26

Ahhh that's abit crap OP

Sorry but I'd have sent a quick little message just to check in,but I obviously it's not to be.

When did you text him?

YoucancallmeVal · 15/06/2018 17:28

You kind of brought that on yourself though. He had texted every time, you shut down the last text exchange and then didn't get back to him. It sounds like you weren't interested or were playing games.

niceupthedance · 15/06/2018 17:33

I think you left it too long to text if you liked him - nearly a week? That's a long time in dating

SparklyMagpie · 15/06/2018 19:53

Just re read this thread and realised,I'm currently dating after 4 years single. And we've met up/had dates about the same as you.

We text all the time, but I guess we have a pattern, so I know if he hasn't text I'll always send a little one first and the other way round and it all flows perfectly.

I couldn't imagine not texting him over a week. I know some cases it can get too much but we just bounce off each other

It shouldn't really be hard in the beginning, I don't understand the whole 'unwritten rule of waiting for him to text

Trills · 15/06/2018 20:02

Why would you feel shit?

You didn't like him enough to start any conversations with him.

If you don't like someone, it doesn't matter if they like you. Because you don't like them.

If you don't like someone it's almost better if they don't like you either, because then they won't be bugging you.

Pinklaydee1302 · 15/06/2018 21:50

I been seeing a guy 5 weeks and lots of dates...

I get annoyed if he doesn't text me sometimes too as I feel he not that interested but then if I text him he always replies very quickly and has admitted he not a texty person..

HarryLovesDraco · 15/06/2018 21:51

If I was the one constantly starting conversations I'd definitely at some point stop doing so to see how long it would take them to contact me. After a week I'd be thinking they weren't interested tbh

JovialNickname · 15/06/2018 22:18

In my experience guys often don't text back unless there is a question to respond to. So me texting "I had a great time tonight" often won't get a reply. However "I had a great time tonight - fancy meeting again next week?" usually will. I really think for a lot of men they don't text back unless there's something to reply to, if you see what I mean.

Serendipite · 15/06/2018 22:26

In my admittedly limited experience, if a guy likes you, he’ll contact you.

dlnex · 15/06/2018 22:32

Not sure if there are rules about texting but in your situation, I would text something along the lines of : 'hi there, how's it going? can you let me know if you would like to meet up again, thanks'
You will know one way or another, and then you can move on one way or the other!

Original poster
EmmashouldI · 16/06/2018 02:14

That’s the problem I’m one of those annoying women who only realizes she’s interested and actually likes the guy when it’s too late.

Lesson learnt here. I’ve read so many stories about guys not responding or ghosting that I had a guard up and this was my first time dating after a 14 year relationship.

Now a bit gutted that I probably had to much of a guard up.

OP posts:
Serendipite · 16/06/2018 02:29

Now a bit gutted that I probably had to much of a guard up.

Maybe but most guys, if they really want you, you will be beating them away with a stick. So I may be wrong but maybe this guy isn't just that into you?

Someone told me - a guy - years ago. For most guys, it's simple. If they want you, they're there. They don't overthink, don't analyze like we do.

Original poster
EmmashouldI · 16/06/2018 02:40

Serendipite I think your right or hope. If he had liked me enough then he could of easily just messaged me. I fear I am going to become someone who gets the slightest bit of interest and clings to that person. I need a tougher skin. All the rules have changed from when I was dating no OLD then or Facebook for that matter.

OP posts:
lostinjapan · 16/06/2018 03:35

And still people are saying ‘if he liked you, he’d contact you’ despite OP saying he was the first to text every single time. And despite her being the one to end their last conversation and then ignore him for a week. Maybe he just doesn’t want to date someone who doesn’t seem enthusiastic about speaking to him. Maybe he’d prefer a woman who’s proactive and straightforward, and doesn’t follow silly ‘dating rules’.

Is it healthy to teach men that they should chase after passive women, until the woman has to ‘beat him away with a stick’?

Anyway, it’s only been a couple of days since you texted him OP so I wouldn’t write him off completely. After all, you went a week without contact and you weren’t ghosting him. He might just be playing it cool.

Monty27 · 16/06/2018 03:40

You've been ghosted. He couldn't wait two minutes to get on to NEXT!

Serendipite · 16/06/2018 03:45

"And still people are saying ‘if he liked you, he’d contact you’ despite OP saying he was the first to text every single time. "

Because this time, the guy didn't contact the OP.

That's the point.

Serendipite · 16/06/2018 03:47

"Is it healthy to teach men that they should chase after passive women, until the woman has to ‘beat him away with a stick’?"

Nobody is saying this. Point is, if you want something, you go after it. Maybe for some there's a deeper meaning, but most of the time, it's simple - if you want something, you pursue it.

If the guy stopped contacting the OP, maybe he's moved on. I know women tend to tell themselves it's their fault for not showing enough attention, etc but most of the times, it's really just simple.

Serendipite · 16/06/2018 03:52

All the rules have changed from when I was dating no OLD then or Facebook for that matter.

Don't beat yourself up, OP. And don't overthink or overanalyze. Whatever his reason is for stopping to contact, what we're sure of is he's not there. If he comes back, then he's interested. If he doesn't, well, plenty of fish in the sea. ;)