I'm brand new on here. I've had an extremely volatile past couple years with DH who has done some horrific things very early in our marriage, and is now saying he realizes and wants to go to therapy before we call it quits.
Briefly- I got married 2 years ago and moved to another part of the world. I left behind a solid career, great life, family and friends to litterally to across the world where my husband worked and lived. One day after our wedding (litterally) he requested I start wearing certain clothes to be more modest (scarves to cover chest area etc). I was surprised a this was never raised before. I did it but hesitated and he started swearing and yelling and saying go back home if this is such a big deal for you, I wish I married someone more modest. Obviously massive fight ensued, with no apology. I was extremely hurt. Next day while going to honeymoon, another massive fight left me in tears.
When we arrived at honeymoon location he agreed to move past things as try to enjoy our time, only to ten minutes later after I smiled at a man, tell me I "eye f'd him" and called me a cu"t, whore, slut, bit** and said he won't stay with me and proceeded to try and book a seperate room. I, I think in shock, chased him like a dog and begged him to stay. I kept thinking how could this be happening to me 3 days after my beautiful wedding.
He stayed. No appolgoy. I faked it entire honeymoon, until we had some intimacy issues (Bc I was dying inside and it was last thing I wanted to do as it was my first sexual experience) and he threatened to leave and left two more times due to my difficulty with that area - yelling horrific things to me after I experienced pain or difficulty with intimacy and he would leave saying this isn't a marriage - I again chased like an idiot.
Fast forward 2 years. The extreme verbal abuse stopped- no more cu*t or whore (only once or twice more), but extreme reactions continued. Harsh words were used when he would get angry- you are useless, trash, I can replace you with someone younger, I wish you were raised better. But now I would respond as well and also verbally attack him in defense and sadly out of extreme frustration, resort to restraining him or scratching. So he says he has put up with me being physically abusive as well as verbally abusive.
As crazy as it sounds, we had good times in between as well where he was extremely kind and loving. But I can never stop thinking about the honeymoon. Ever. I have deep shame and regret about how I handled it and feel I set the tone for rest of marriage.
Is it possible to get over something a traumatic as that, or is it ok to after 2 years has passed say that I can't get over it? That i cannot get over how unfairly I was treated?
I left after a recent bad episode and suffered some health issues right after I left and have been recovering back in my original home. He recently came and has said he wants to fix things and get therapy together Bc he realizes he was wrong. He seems sincere and is saying we can't throw the towel in without giving therapy a sincere shot.
I am torn Bc I have hope for change but also severe resentment. And it's been months and I just can't make a decision. I also am older (35) and worry about having children if I have to start all over again.
Please be kind in responses.