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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why am I having these dreams?!

18 replies

Imadream3r · 12/06/2018 18:45

Me and my DP have been together for 6 years and are looking to book our wedding soon. Our sex life is so bad it's basically non existent and for a young couple with no children it's not ideal, both to blame as he has low sex drive and mine was so low when I had implant for 3 years! But we don't speak about it.

Problem is lately I keep having dreams about doing the deed with another man, I'm not even attracted to this guy in real life so why am I having these dreams. So confused I'm scared to book my wedding...? Confused I would never cheat so why am I doing it in my dreams?! Shock

OP posts:
0lwen · 12/06/2018 18:52

I'd say the dream is just a message from the back of your brain to the front of your brain.

VetOnCall · 12/06/2018 18:53

I don't know anything about dream interpretation but you need to seriously think twice about getting married to someone that you don't have a sex life with and can't talk to about it. Communication is absolutely vital in any relationship let alone a marriage.

GrannyHaddock · 12/06/2018 18:56

This would not be a promising way to start your married life. But you don't speak about the lack of sex. Surely you need to change that and maybe you would have better, different dreams.

category12 · 12/06/2018 19:01

Are you looking forward to a lifetime of no sex?

Raven88 · 12/06/2018 19:02

Before I got married I had a lot of weird dreams. In each of them I had done something terrible and DH had left me. Maybe you worried about letting him down?

Original poster
Imadream3r · 12/06/2018 19:06

We do have a very loving relationship and are like best friends but really do lack that passion which is scary. We definitely do need to talk as I guess it's my mind telling me something.. I don't want dreams to turn into reality that's for sure!

OP posts:
Shambu · 12/06/2018 19:09

Dreams are messages from your unconscious mind.

Perhaps it's drawing attention to the lack of sex with your fiancé.

Do you both mind not having sex? Do you love each other in other ways?

A sexless marriage can work for some couples if they're neither of them interested, but you need to talk about it. Are you both on the same page? Or is this a sign that other things are wrong?

Shambu · 12/06/2018 19:11

Xpost - are you happy with not having sex much?

Original poster
Imadream3r · 12/06/2018 19:15

I'm interested and a lot more recently. When we first got together he watched loads of porn it was unhealthy but our sex life was healthy so I couldn't complain, he doesn't even seem to watch porn anymore unless he's better at hiding it. I wasn't bothered for so long he probably feels it's acceptable now so maybe I need to make it clear that I am actually bothered by this I just don't want it to cause arguments as we don't often argue

OP posts:
Original poster
Imadream3r · 12/06/2018 19:16

Also understand sexual dreams may be due to us not having sex but why another man?!

OP posts:
category12 · 12/06/2018 19:18

You do need to talk about it. I mean, a sexless relationship is fine if you both are happy, but you're not. Also, if you're planning on dc, it kinda needs to be happening Grin.

category12 · 12/06/2018 19:19

Maybe subconscious says it has to be another man, cos your fiance isn't interested in sex.

IamXXHearMeRoar · 12/06/2018 19:20

Because the one you have either -
a) has libido issues
b) is dining out

Why not postpone the wedding and try to work out which it is?

Unless you are 90 and sex is no longer the priority it used to be...

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2018 19:23

You don't often argue but is that because you don't talk about the big stuff. You're about to get married, do you want kids?

Original poster
Imadream3r · 12/06/2018 19:29

We have said we want children yes, we are both career focused at the moment but have said we want children which obviously means we need it to be happening. We have a holiday coming up feel it could be perfect opportunity to bring it up relaxed environment not tired or stressed from jobs...

OP posts:
Shambu · 12/06/2018 19:34

Also understand sexual dreams may be due to us not having sex but why another man?!

Maybe you just don't fancy your DP?

I wouldn't want to marry a porn hound, personally.

And it's not healthy not to address something because you're afraid of arguments. Why are you afraid to argue?

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2018 19:37

There's two things

  1. If you want kids you may do it once and get pregnant but there may be months and months of tracking your cycle and having sex because it's the right day. That's hard when you have a healthy sex life but even harder if its already a chore.
  2. Sex is even harder once you have kids which is hard if you have an active sex life but at least you still might make an effort. If you're barely having sex now, add tiredness etc to the pile and you will never have it again
category12 · 12/06/2018 19:39

Why so nervous to rock the boat? You've been together 6 years, why's it so fragile you can't talk about your lack of sex life?

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