How to make love to the same man for the rest of your life..............

[multitasker]

I've the feeling that is the title of a book? I'm not wanting to read it - I could just do with some inspiration you know? I thought it was cliched when people said that with kids keeping you busy during the day you would be glad to just get some sleep at night - but I'm beginning to see the truth in it. I've a wonderful dh and sometimes it great but sometimes its formulaic and I miss the quiet intimacy at the beginning of a relationship - you know the chase, the flirting and the hours of foreplay.
Anyone else understand what I'm talking about? I will have to talk to dh - being mindful of the delicate thing the male ego is - and hopefully I'll feel less frustrated with it. I'm a firm believer in quality over quantity any day.

The thing you describe at the beginning of a relationship never lasts though, whoever you're with.

we're having issue with this at the mo! I don't really mind the same old thing we tend to do but DP wants more to be more adventurous. He thinks the relationship is stale and needs spicing up - easier said than done especially when i'm 23wks pregnant!

Thanks, Electra you're right ofcourse, and I think I'm a bit stressed at the minute about an exam coming up.I think I will relax and remind myself that I have a dh who is worth his weight in gold.

It does get hard with kids but who says it has to be at night?
I have "surprised" DH when he comes in from work early and DD is having a nap. Or there is that perfect time when the kids have gone to bed and you would normally just be watching tv and slouching about. Nip upstairs and give yourself a bit of prep time if necessary!
A change in location and timing can be all that is needed to kick start a new phase...

Sorry don't mean to sound like tv sex presenter.

WE're finding it tough atm too.
7 years in but as I have a 13 yr olds ds1 who stays up til 10pm and a 4 yr old dd and an 8 wks old ds2, I am tired, and go to bed at the same time as ds1!!!!!
We do not get evenings alone either.
Once my head hits the pillow I'm gone...

Dp has quite a serious libido mine is much lower. WE do talk about it quite a lot though and know it is jolly hard time just now

These worked for me and dp
Have a massage evening(no sex allowed)
A date night even if it's a dinner for two in eve at home
A no sex just touching night
Abstain for a week(easy) while having these and then do it slowly.
It has to be planned and if some nights the dc's could stay at rels or friends it helps.Also make sure you have new undies or v.inticing undies as helps to put you in the mood.
If all else fails consult A.summers catalogue

(hope my mum doesn't start mning now )

All those things sound great - I'm not relaxed unless the dc are asleep - almost been caught a couple of times, and I seem to get into the mood quicker when I know we can devote a bit of time to each other. Think dh would explode if we had a massage and touched and nothing else

multitasker we thought this to but as long as you are happy to O without sex(both of you) it's fine.It's not about not having an O it's about rediscovering each other and learning to get a feel of what each other like as our emotional and physical likes and dislikes change also a lot of people haven't discovered everything about each other even after a long time together.My dp and I have been together for 13 1/2yrs and we realise thanks to doing this that there is always something new to discover about each other.
I don't know how much of this is because of the fact that we have never with anyone else but we do find this to be something that we need to do every so often.

My parents took the kids last weekend and it was great!
Not hurried at all cos we knew we didnt have to get up in the morning - we had loads of time that we dont usually take and it was a bit like that time at the start of a relationship where you have hours and hours .........

Can you get rid of childrne overnight? We knew this was coming for several weeks and so talked a lot about what we would do as well - that was all part of the anticipation and the fun

Never posted on a sex thread before. Dh would be if he knew!

Yeah - we're going away for a few days in the summer and my Mum is keeping dc. Will definitely do something different this weekend however small.

I suggest choose a night a week that is your night. Make it really special by wearing something super sexy like this or this or even this! . Don't forget high heels! Choose something different each week, some nights you could do a strip, or a topless massage... There are pole dancing classes now at gyms and things too (why should good, faithful men never get to see a pole dance? You can do it, and you will feel really sexy).

God yeah - I do love a massage and so does dh. Will have to look into that as a possibility once a week or so - bit of variety needed - not sure about the underwear - I prefer to just get naked

Aaah, but men love the underwear, they really do! Also it makes it different. To be honest, I am not that keen on those I picked quickly from ebay, but there are some lovely things in the ebay shops if you have time to trawl through the tat. You can get DVDs that teach you how to lapdance/strip, and that is a lovely thing to do. It makes ME feel sexy, and I know DH likes it too . I find strong arousal of DH turns me on, so when I do a massage I really make it special, wear special underwear, high heels, candles, use oil...Then do whatever I feel like.

Mind you sometimes the best nights are the spontaneous ones - you know when you're almost asleep then....
Yes - I know, men do love the underwear

I rather like leaving the curtains open (but nets closed obviously) and undressing each other in the moonlight.
Find something to do in the evening (even if older kids are still up) that involves being face to face with no tv. Could be anything - cards, chess (have promised DH one day!), cutting out shapes for pre-school! Gets you reacquainted with that brain you fell in love with. Better still dancing lessons!

I can totally relate to this thread and to almost everything that has been said here.

I haven't really got any advice for you but just wanted you to know that you're not alone in feeling like this. IMHO it is totally possible to adore your DH/DP but to let the sexual side of things slip a bit. We don't really seem to get down to it that often these days (maybe twice a month) but we both enjoy it when we do and it makes us feel really close. In fact, afterwards we both invariably say that we should make more effort to do it more often

We're a very loving, demonstrative and close couple but sex just doesn't seem to be the be all and end all for us. The dynamic behind every relationship is as unique as the people in it and there is no "right" or wrong" formula for the successful relationship in my view.

I believe that the special "lusted up" feeling when you feel like a raving nyhomaniac with no inhibitions whatsoever doesn't last and isn't really designed to either. We've all been there and thoroughly enjoyed it at the time but I have to say I don't really miss it now. I know I wouldn't have either the time or the energy these days and, on balance, 11 years in, I'm actually far happier and content with the phase that our relationship is in now.

I always think that DH had enough sex from me in the first two years of our relationship to last him a lifetime anyway!

I know - its mad when you think about it - I mean when we were students living in manky houses we would happily squeeze into a single bed most nights and it was like nymphomania!!
And I agree - I love dh more than I could tell you and its that strength that means I don't really put as much emphasis on our sex life as the be all and end all of us. However - I will have to make an effort...