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How to get my head straight!

1 reply

LeOrange · 12/06/2018 14:48

I, foolishly, began online dating very soon after separating from my husband. Connected with a man immediately - same age, same number of young children, same career, same interests. A serious click. We met in January and it was an amazing evening - fireworks. He lived an hour away so we have had to work hard to see each other and make it work. But we have. He was talking about meeting family and was just so kind to me. But always at a bit of a remove - I had an ongoing anxiety that I might never hear from him again every time I left him, but put it down to neuroses of mine.

We had both been cheated on and our exes were with the same partners, so we understood each other. Or so I thought. A phone call last night to tell me that his ex has separated from the partner of two years, he is abusive and manipulative and he needs to emotionally support her and their three children through this. To proceed with me too would be duplicitous and unfair on me.

This has been the plaster on every feeling I have sublimated about the ending of my marriage. I feel like I am always going to be the one who is rejected for another woman. I am trying to sell my house, have a hugely stressful job, am making a complete hash or raising three children and just feel absolutely, shockingly shit.

I can't believe that I have been taken so thoroughly advantage of - something to enjoy whilst he waited to go back to his ex. I should have seen the signs - he was in constant contact with her, talked about her all the time and hated her partner with a passion. I feel naive, foolish and incredibly hurt.

Please talk to me about how I dust myself off and move on, because I think this might be the lowest day of my life.

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 12/06/2018 16:06

That sounds crap. But you may have had a lucky escape, as he sounds a bit unstable. He's also an hour away, which would have made moving to the next step too hard on your children, none of whom would want to move house and schools. Also, had things progressed, you would have 6 kids between you. That's difficult surely? You'd be best to find someone with no kids or maybe 1. It's only been a few months. I'd just get back to OLD and try to forget about him. He's clearly got too much emotion invested in his ex - I really couldn't be doing with that shit. But it's not you - it's him.

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