Terrifed of STBXH and his reaction

[rikmayallismyhero]

Hello.
Name changed as I couldn't remember any of my old login details. Its been a while!

Mumsnet helped me massively when I was planning on leaving my abusive husband. I managed to leave, it was incredibly hard but my goodness I am beyond happy I managed it.

He manipulated, cheated, lied, gaslighted, was emotionally abusive and in the end physically abusive. I found out after I left him how bad the cheating was, thanks to one of the 'other women' who is one of my biggest supporters. She had no idea about me, and was able to tell me about the ones before her as well which the idiot husband bragged about. It was super helpful in that it tied up so many loose ends, and confirmed everything I had a suspicion about.

Anyway. That's irrelevant. Just wanted to get that off my chest. I'm still terrified of him. He is being served some papers tomorrow which he is not going to like at all. It will affect his current relationship (which is a blessing for the girl he is with, I think). I emailed him 2 weeks ago to tell him it was happening, he called and was very evil and threatening.

I'm so panicked about his reaction. I'm expecting a phone call, which I won't answer. An email, which I will send straight to my lawyer. He is so vindictive and nasty though, I wouldn't put it past him to find a way to contact my lovely lovely boyfriend, leave bad reviews for my business, etc. I know I can threaten with police action, but this is a situation I just do not want to be in but there is no other way.

Just wanted a little hand hold, is all.

Thank you wonderful ladies (and men) of mumsnet

This is just one more part of you completely disengaging. I know it’s hard because he’s an arse, but it’s so positive that another step towards him not being there at all is in place

Hold onto that and ride out the storm. Tell lovely lovely boyfriend how you feel too

CantankerousCamel thank you.

Lovely lovely boyfriend is aware of everything, and bless him has been amazing. When he's not with me he leaves me 'bedtime stories' via voice message I can listen to before bed so I have better chance of no nightmares.

I'm trying to think of positives. Yes, I'll be well rid of him soonish. And at least I no longer have to live with him or see his vile little face

This is just a wee rock of the boat as it gains massive speed in getting you away from him. You’re doing amazing... to be scared and still be so determined and strong is really something

Oh gosh thank you so much for your kind words.

I'm lucky in that I have terrific support from my friends, therapist, parents and the lovely lovely boyfriend. I just don't want to burden them with too much, when they all have their own issues to deal with.

Yes, I'll have to see him in court but there will be bailiffs etc there and security. I'm not too worried about that bit. Plus the aforementioned friends etc are going to be there.

I wouldn’t worry about burdening people, this is a victory for all of you.

So many times people ask for advice and support then don’t bother taking it, or can’t bring themselves to leave and you did.

You’re a massive success story. I think whatever has gone on in your past has ground you down but I’m sure lovely DP and other friends will see you very differently.

Plus it’s nearly over! You’ve come so far and it’s nearly done. I bet you’re not going to know yourself when this lifts. I had to go to court for an issue a couple of years ago and it was only afterwards I realised how much it was affecting me...

It’s just about to get great :-)

Thank you! Today is the day but for some reason I'm feeling calm.

I do have mumsnet to thank big time. It was tough love but it worked and made me see things for how they really were.

It will all be over by Christmas - what a lovely present!!

Good luck OP. I had similar when serving exh with papers in the divorce and in particular child arrangements- I had to put down that he was EA but of course he didnt like it. I was away with work at the time he got them and he was with the kids. I hated that feeling.

blackteasplease oh goodness it must be awful with the children involved. All ok now I hope

Getting there rik. Really nearly there.

Really hope it goes OK for you.

OP, you said you told him about the papers?
are you not able to just block him, ignore and let the lawyers take care of it?
You shouldn't have to speak to him, at all.
so pleased things are looking up for you and there's a light at the end of the tunnel

gillybeanz yes, that's exactly what my plan is. But I think because I've been scared of him for so long, I'm scared of his reactions even though I know realistically I won't have to speak to him.

I think its a bit like muscle memory. It will probably take an age to stop feeling nervous every time I think about the poisonous little prick.

blacktea Good. Glad its almost over.

And I think because I always did what I was told, he controlled me etc, it feels unusual to be making these decisions myself and sticking to them. Even though I had the threatening phone call (before I blocked his number) I didn't back down like I used to