Just how many interests and hobbies do you have to have to do online dating?

[feelboring1]

I used to think that issues like my age or general attractiveness (or not) might be a barrier.

Having looked at some profiles on Guardian Soulmates however, I am at their blurb about themselves - a million different interests, beautiful writing styles, funny, thoughtful, self-deprecating, erudite. Forget my attractiveness, I feel like I couldn’t compete on any level.

Under my interests my blurb would say: my dc and licking my painful divorce wounds.

Erm, that’s it .

Any way you look at it, I will be single forever.

I wouldn't worry about it! Try to be funny if you can, but there's no point not being honest.

Those who do a lot of things are more than likely people without children at home - who else has the time to do that much?

Lick your wounds for longer. You are not ready for OLD.

It's one of the many things that put me off OLD. There's plenty more attractive , intelligent and witty out there than me.

Isn't Guardian Soulmates renowned to be poncy and pretentious rather earnest?
I wouldn't worry about it, but as previous poster said, do wonder if you're ready. It really is worth giving yourself some time; you won't attract the best person for you if not in the right headspace for a relationship, and even if you did, you'd be bringing unresolved issues to the table right from the start.
Focus on you and the children. Do what makes you happy without a man. OLD can be lots of fun, but also a bit brutal.

Yes, it's very off putting to me when a grown man describes the life of a gap year student as his. Most real adults I know try to balance work/ domestic shit/ children.

When a man who's a Father and has a job claims to go to regular gigs, and to the gym a few times a week with another one or two spacific sports on top I wonder who's picking up his slack, or whether he's just full of crap to make him sound more interesting.

Good point fish.
I somehow doubt you'd get many single mothers describing their lives in the same way

When a man who's a Father and has a job claims to go to regular gigs, and to the gym a few times a week with another one or two spacific sports on top I wonder who's picking up his slack, or whether he's just full of crap to make him sound more interesting.

I'd say that's someone who actually has a life, and isn't a laving slave to his family. Being a martyr is not attractive.

I'd much rather be with someone who was active, had passions & was competitive in a sport, over someone who 'existed' and then pissed & moaned every time he left the house to do something that, heaven forbid, isn't revolving around his nagging wife & whinging kids.

Then wonder why his head gets turned a few years down the line, when he thinks, fuck this shit.

Don't let it put you off. One of the reasons I messaged my now dp off online dating (a single dad) was because he said he enjoyed spending time with his kids!

And everyone seems to like long walks in the country with a pub at the end. Makes you wonder why the pub industry is struggling so badly if we are all off walking to pubs a few miles away every weekend ;)

I wouldn't read too much into what other profiles on GSM have in them. Other than to use some as inspiration for what to include or not to include. Just write your profile, about your life. I get exhausted just reading some people's profiles. It's not that I am lazy, and I love going out for walks, swimming etc... But with long work hours, kids etc... I can't hope to keep someone happy who wants that level of activity outside of work so I am far more likely to look for an honest and amusing profile from a fellow parent who is trying to juggle everything as well. There is someone for everyone so be you, not what you think someone wants to read about you.

Oh, and what others said about concentrating on healing those wounds. That doesnt mean don't date, but be mindful of any negative history you are dragging along with you.

Good luck !

Focus on you and the children. Do what makes you happy without a man.

Yes this is what I am going to do.

I guess that people without kids at home would have a lot more time. It all seemed so try hard though.

I am glad not all profiles are like that Daffo - I just got put off by the first few I read .

If it came to it, I would just be honest - as you suggest Rock - but at the moment my profile would read something like:

Late 40s soon to be divorced Mum, need to lose some weight.

When not at work or looking for a job that isn’t agency and badly paid, I am at home with my stroppy teens, one of whom has draining anxiety issues.

Apart from that, I am trying to sort the messy house out and deal with a mouse infestation.

This is on top of navigating my still not finalised and traumatic divorce, and not co-parenting with my verbally intimidating and estranged stbx.

Am looking for someone who doesn’t mind ruminating over my failed marriage and current divorce with me.

Yes, so I think I might not be ready .

Please please write that on your profile, you might find someone who appreciates your sense of humour

Yes - but in all honesty I would be scared of not being interesting enough.

My absolutely best profile was really short a bit like

Happy Go Lucky professional, loves laughter and mischief looking for adventure

I got way more replies than a proper profile and no dodgy stuff at all though a lot of “hi” - think they increased the word limit then but I still sometimes look at it and it gets hundreds even though I’m not active for months at a time

Sadly since I wrote it last summer the happy go lucky has been replaced by really cannot be fecking arsed

No interests no sports no wounds licked - Hope that helps

To be honest with that profile I could at least try to be a 'friend' as you sound normal.
Not saying how far it would get but you never know.

Yes I can see how happy go lucky would be attractive. And also a nice frame of mind to be in.

No interests no sports no wounds licked - Hope that helps

Yes it does thanks .

To be honest with that profile I could at least try to be a 'friend' as you sound normal.

A friend would be great.

I have lots of interests and hobbies but my efforts at finding love through Soulmates have been totally unsuccessful, so I don't necessarily think there is a correlation!

@feelboring1 I have never thought of being in a relationship with a woman, but your potential profile is one of the very few things online that has made me laugh out loud, and I am almost tempted. I would say: go for it!

@ feelboring1. FWIW my 'CV' reads the same as yours except the age is wrong and I am a man.

Tips for mouse infestation are particularly relevant.

Irene - it seems like a strange thing OLD - trying to gauge potential chemistry through a screen.

Glad I am not the only one 54321, and sorry you also have mouse issues!

All of these profiles involve a lot of fudging! Everyone loves going to the cinema and walks in the rain, or going to the gym to keep fit and live music ... you sign up and get an inbox full of lechers asking for naked pictures

Whenever you're ready I think, be yourself. Funny, silly, honest, whatever best represents you. You're looking for a date or a new partner, not the energiser bunny!

Being on my own I am a bit more chilled. I am (sort of) happy with the mice as long as they stay out of my bedroom and quit the clog dancing at 02:00 in the morning.

Thanks BoardingSchool .

You're looking for a date or a new partner, not the energiser bunny!. - yes!

54321 - the problem is that before you know it there are loads of them!

Lot of self-important twats on Guardian Soulmates.

^ Agree.

The only way round it is some irreverent nonsense.

All these bloody "hobbies". Zzzz....

I'm interesting and alive just standing at the bus stop . But no man will ever get that