Help me improve my self-esteem please

[selfesteemqueen]

Does anyone have any tips on how to improve self-esteem? I have been with DP for almost 5 years and we have a little girl and are so happy together. However, very early days he had a weekend away with mates and had a drunken kiss with a girl he used to be close to. Immediately, he called me and told me himself what happened and after a few months apart to think I decided to continue the relationship. I truly love him and we are such a good team in all that we do. He is the most attentive and loving partner, loves to discuss and plan our future and is the most wonderful dad to our little girl. We have been through so much together and supported each other all the way; the death of parents, PTSD, depression, anxiety and we genuinely just fit so well together as a couple. My problem comes from my self esteem and insecurities. I think these stem from this event at the very beginning of our relationship however things had been much better for me mentally until these past few months. Since the birth of my daughter I feel horrible. I feel like I’m fat, ugly, frumpy, boring etc and I keep imagining how much he must want to be with someone else. He hasn’t given me any reason to ever think this, and is happy to discuss my worries and insecurities and always helps me feel better but it always crops up with changes. He has had few different career changes this year so far and I keep imagining all the fun, beautiful new girls he could meet at his new workplaces or when he’s out and about. Rationally I know he loves me and wants me, and he adores our little family unit and would never want to ruin it but I still can’t help myself from feeling shitty. I’m trying to lose the baby weight and feel better about myself physically, but he still acts like I’m the most beautiful person in the whole world and I don’t know why I can’t ever accept that’s how he feels. Has anyone felt like this? I feel like we had gotten over the past and things were fantastic and now I feel so bad about myself I’m starting to feel more and more insecure everyday. Is there anything I can do to stop these thoughts that he will find someone else? We have worked so hard to rebuild the trust and he has done everything and more that I could ever need from him to make this work. I just feel so down that I keep having these moments where I feel so unattractive and I don’t know how to make it stop. Any advice is very much appreciated x

Sorry this is so long, didn't mean to ramble on

Do you have anything for yourself outside of the relationship and home?

I work (but on mat leave), have just finished university and go out with friends frequently. I probably have a better social life than DP!

Anyone?

I think the best way to try and deal with it is to build a fun life for yourself. Get out meet new people, make your life interesting and make sure you don’t rely solely on him for your happiness and confidence.

I had a short spell away from my DP and used the opportunity to try new hobbies, branch out a bit and it has really helped me to feel that I am an interesting person and worthy of love since we got back together.

Make sure he is pulling his weight with regard to childcare and that you are getting ample time to go out with friends or alone to classes and clubs etc.

If you’re a SAHM then maybe look into some part time work or going back to your previous job. Imagining him out in the world mingling with beautiful women, while you’re home with the baby 24/7 will drive you mad (I know!!) so broadening your own world will help put it in perspective.

I’m not sure what else to suggest. Maybe some counselling or if you think you could be depressed perhaps speak to your HV or GP?

Ah sorry, just read the updates and you have more or less covered everything I said oops!

Gosh! I'm an optimist but even I struggled with your posts.

It took 5 billion years of evolution to make you. A complete, unbroken trail from the beginning of life itself. You are a wonder, you are unique, it is literally amazing that you exist at all.
No-one is more special than YOU.

Look in the mirror and just imagine the hardships that millions of generations overcame to make you and realise how special you truly are.
You are as worthwhile as any other human being. Appreciate it.

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47

I've worked through these resources before, found them really useful.

@AdaArdor thanks for those resources, they look great. I'll work through them.

@MyRelationshipIsWeird thank you for replying. Yes I do have an active social life out with DP, it might be maternity leave and hormones that's making me feel a bit wobbly just now! He's amazing in terms of childcare and sharing roles, I feel very lucky we have each other- just wish I could think about it rationally all the time and not feel so down about myself for some of it. I thought about counselling before, I have history of being very anxious and having panic attacks and think this may be related in some way to self esteem so I'll maybe think about counselling again. Thanks for your help

@Disquieted1 thank you

Please discuss post natal depression with your GP.
It might not be that but it's worth looking into.
Don't write it off.
And definitely get some counselling for yourself.
Your DP sounds lovely.

Don't push him away - GP then counselling!

@hellsbellsmelons thank you. I will make an appt to discuss PND, I'm not sure it's that but I do think I need some help to try sort myself out. I've been trying to manage these thoughts myself but I don't think I can keep doing so and I hate always having to seek reassurance from DP - I don't want him to get fed up of me! Thanks.