Did your mother start a new relationship when you were in your teens - and it was fine?

[RelativelyNorma]

Because I am really struggling to do the right thing, and I'd like to hear what she did that made it OK for you. Please, please don't tell me your horror stories, I'm looking for ways to make this work well.
For background, have been seeing new chap for 6 months, although he was a friend before that. DD knows about the relationship but to date basically we've seen each other when she's at her dad's.

My parents separated when I was 13 and mum announced she'd started seeing her "friend" in the same conversation. I knew my folks had been on the rocks for a long time though, and they'd been living separately for years.

It was tough for a few years, but they got married when I was 18 and now I'm 33 with two kids and he's an amazing grandad to them both.

It's likely to be maybe a couple of days every other week, so not all the time, but noticeable.
I don't know about dd, but I feel weird about the idea of having him staying over while she's in the house (she's 16 FGS, I'm sure she's realised that I'm sleeping with him). I just need to get over myself on that one, don't I...

It's more not being comfortable walking around the house semi naked, or lounging on the sofa. To her he's a perfect stranger and I agree with pp single till the kids are adults.

Absolutely definitely no walking around semi naked

Half of me feels like single til she's an adult is the answer - but the other half of me feels like it's likely to end up (esp as she's an only child) with her being too much my prop/support.

Also, realistically, do I want to give up what could be my one chance of a relationship with a decent man when we have a lot in common and might actually make a go of it long term.

Yes my mum met my stepdad when I was 15 - they married when I was 16. I get on with my step dad really well. He was always very respectful of my space and that it was my home he moved into. His family were very welcoming- I was always treated the same as the other grandchildren. DS1 and DS2 call him grandad. That said my mum did have some terrible boyfriends before but luckily he was the first I felt comfortable with.

Why would you give it up? If he too has teens he may not want to move in either?

Moving in together definitely isn't on the cards in the near / not-so-near future.

I don't think it's a case of give it up - just enjoy dating and having fun together rather than enmeshing lives too much. And that's what you're intending to do, so ..

I have two versions of stories on this. When I was 11 my mum met someone and so did my dad they had been split up since I was 4. It didn’t really matter to me who they were with and I actually ended up loving both partners. Unfortunately both relationships ended badly a few years later but from them I got two siblings :) the woman my dad met I still to this day 20 years on call her my step mum and talk to her daily.
Also my aunt was single for 12 years with a 14 year old girl, she met a guy and eventually they were introduced, the teenager at first didn’t take it so well reacting badly but knew she was being selfish she just felt jealous even though she adored the new man. They persevered with it and now they couldn’t be happier, you know what teenagers can be like all emotions and hormones but luckily my aunt wasn’t willing to let this new man go so stuck with it.
So what I’m saying really is it could be tough at first but if he’s worth it then you have to give it a chance x

I also think from your child's point of view, she'll feel less guilty about moving away and doing things without you if she knows you have someone. I remember as a teen and young adult always feeling bad that my uncle was single and had noone.

You sound lovely and I'm sure you'll handle it perfectly. He will still spend the majority of time not in the house so your dd should be fine.

My mother ran off with my best friends father when I was 14. You can imagine how that turned out!

You sound lovely op.

I was younger (9) but remember not liking my mum's previous boyfriends as they basically ignored me and it was really awkward. The one she married loved kids and is a natural with them :) - he would just talk to me and do stuff with me and it didn't feel awkward at all. He was so clearly trying to do things the way I liked that it never felt threatening at all: he was entering our mini family, not me coming into his.

My two were almost 16 and 18 when I started dating, and I've just been doing it like you: no-one's planning on moving in. The first bf was around more, the second is there less, both have been good at stepping back, not intruding and chatting to them in a friendly way. Basically, they don't have to get on with the bf so it hasn't been an issue.