Guilty about initial feelings

[endoftheworld]

Has anybody else stayed in a relationship where they were a bit unsure at first and then felt bad for that doubt?

My bf and I have been together for nearly 9 months and I am so in love with him now. However at first although I knew I really liked him as a person and must have been attracted to him,I kept getting all these little things that put me off. These were unkind and superficial on my part,for example not liking certain things about his appearance. Sounds silly but basically making comments like "I like him but he needs to trim that beard, looks scruffy." Etc

I have a tendency to be extremely critical about myself and I think sometimes others ( which I am ashamed of).

I guess I'm feeling guilty because I see my bf for the person he is and I'm really attracted to him now. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to be such a bitch.

I was also, looking back, still getting over a previous relationship and probably unfairly comparing bf to my ex.

All of this was things I thought or said to a couple of close friends.

Blimey Op

This would be the beginning of most of my long term relationships

Stop worrying about it

Enjoy the here and now

I liked my DP a lot at first but thought he was a hooray Henry/ upper class twit/ intelligent version of Tim nice but dim. Then I fell in love with him and love all that about him. Don't feel bad! It's normal x

Thank you both.
I do have very bad anxiety and a big habit of over analysing. I do have that personality that tends to look for faults,maybe bf and I have got to the point where we balance each other out.

I guess what's triggered this thinking for me is that recently someone I hadn't spoken to for a while said something like "how are things with ..."

Sounds very anxiety-provoked to me. No need to worry, it's totally normal!

Thank you. I do believe some of it is guilt for being a bit mean but I do have a lot of anxiety. I guess I'm so happy how things turned out that I feel like what was I thinking in the early days.

I am trying to work on myself in general,I hate the critical side to my personality. Even for example at work I am learning to not join in with any talking behind people's backs and not saying anything that I would't say to someone's face.

That's a great way to live and shows you are a nice person! Honestly, you could inside anyone's head, even the most lovely person you could imagine, and they would have dark thoughts, horrible thoughts, mean thoughts, judgemental thoughts. I hate some of the things that flash into my mind! But it doesn't reflect us as people; only our behaviour does that. Honestly, you have nothing at all to feel guilty about.

Have you had any treatment for your anxiety? Seems like this could be a good opportunity to try some techniques and help you put these thoughts into perspective.