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Original poster

Help with staying NC with him

14 replies

HelpmewithNC · 11/06/2018 12:47

I have name changed for this post.

Long story short. I was in a relationship with a man for 2 years who I was very much in love with and believed he felt the same... believed that until I found out he was cheating on me with someone else. When I confronted him he told me that what me and him had was casual and so he didn't need to explain himself to me. I ended it and he got with the OW.

This is where I know I'm stupid.... I begged and begged him back within a few days. I was missing him like crazy and was really heart broken. He split with the OW after 6 months but we never got back together (in any way at all. Never even saw each other) however, we constantly carried on texting and the texts were messages you would send to a partner. For example, each morning he would text me something along the lines of 'good morning baby 😘'

This was going on for over 2 years, I put my life on hold for him hoping it would become more again but it never did.

So 2 weeks ago today I decided to go NC with him in an attempt to move on. He sent me a message on the Monday morning saying good morning and I have not replied, he's not text me again since. I'm finding this really difficult but know it's the right thing to do.

Any help/advice or similar stories would help.

OP posts:
TwinkleMerrick · 11/06/2018 12:52

Hey, well done for going NC! It's tough when you still have feelings for someone. You are doing the right thing, you deserve so much more than someone who cheats on you and then keeps you dangling with messages. Stay strong and live hour by hour, just get through the next hour if not replying. If you cave and send a message don't stress just start the NC again. Stay strong you Can do this x

hellsbellsmelons · 11/06/2018 13:04

How do you know he has messaged you?
He should be blocked.
That is the only way to do it!!!
Block, delete, ignore!
If you don't you will always be tempted to get back in touch.

Original poster
HelpmewithNC · 11/06/2018 13:15

Thanks for replies. I don't think I'm at the stage yet of bringing myself to block and then delete his number Sad I'm proud of myself for going 2 weeks NC but it's not been easy and have had to stop myself from texting him a few times.

One day I tell myself that if he was bothered then he would have text me again before now.
Then the next day I wonder if he is feeling how I do but doesn't want to text me again because i never replied to his last message.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 11/06/2018 19:41

No one who really likes someone is put off by one missed reply.
You haven't seen in him in TWO years. All you've had are crumbs of text messages.
Stop lying to yourself. For TWO years he strung you along in a relationship you thought was serious. Dumped you and expected you to suck it up because it was 'casual'. Then strings you along with texts that have kept you hoping while he goes and does what and whomever he wants. That's FOUR years your life you've wasted. FOUR!
And now you're NC in the hope that he will suddenly declare undying love and beg you to come back.
Accept he doesn't give a crap and block. Cos the minute he texts you with some charming message ending in babe, you are going to reply. Guaranteed.

And in another two years you'll still be waiting and hoping and he still won't give a crap!
You can't make him feel the way you do with the power of wishful thinking.

Original poster
HelpmewithNC · 11/06/2018 20:33

@Thingsdogetbetter

Thank you. I know you are 100% right. I have just never felt this way about anyone before and I guess I keep holding onto the small glimmer of hope Sad it is now getting easier and easier day by day not to speak to him.

We have seen each other in the last two years but it has been during events, BBQ's etc where we have both been at the same place. He speaks to me but as a friend who he has not seen for a long time. We have not been together alone since I confronted him about the OW.

You are right. He didn't give a shit then and he doesn't now. He is playing a game with his texts.

OP posts:
Babyblue32 · 11/06/2018 20:51

Oh gosh!!
My boyfriend (calls him self that) hasn't seen me for nearly 8 months, and barley speaks to me and reckons he cares. (Hasn't spoken for two weeks now)

It's crap!! Don't fall for it. Fuck him off
You don't love him, you don't. You love having someone to talk too
If he wanted you he would be there properly don't get it twisted

Original poster
HelpmewithNC · 12/06/2018 07:37

About 6 months ago I told him exactly how I felt about him in a text... he replied with a '😘' that's it. I tried to go NC then and it lasted 3 weeks before he text me and asked me a casual question, so I replied politely and then soon after the texting daily started up again.

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpmewithNC · 12/06/2018 07:37

When I write all this down it's more clear to me that he doesn't care... Sad

OP posts:
LiteraryDevil1 · 12/06/2018 07:46

Block and delete. It's the only way. People who don't do this are hanging on to the hope the other person will come running back. They aren't going to. Also write a list of all the good and bad points about him and the relationship. I thought my ex was the best thing ever bar a few faults (but everyone has faults) until I wrote that list and had something like 50 negative things about him.

You need to make the decision and stick to it otherwise you look sad, pathetic and desperate. I was in my younger days and now cringe at how I acted Blush It's not easy but it doesn't sound like much will be missing from your life anyway. Find your self respect and stick to your guns.

category12 · 12/06/2018 07:47

He totally doesn't care. You're an ego boost to him. He's expecting you to crack.

Original poster
HelpmewithNC · 12/06/2018 08:30

I have deleted his number, but not blocked. I know I should but couldn't bring myself to do it at the moment and curiosity got the better of me if he will be in touch or not. I have no way of getting his number back from anybody so this way I at least cannot contact him

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 12/06/2018 08:33

So you ask for help, everyone gives it, but you don't take it. Sigh.

Babyblue32 · 12/06/2018 09:48

@HelpmewithNC
Then if he texts with another😘 in a few weeks .... you'll run back

I understand this is hard
But you've told him how you feel and he's brushed it off.

You have to step back. You have to realise you're not at his beck and call. It's takes what seems like forever to see it.... but when you do you'll feel good!

You have blips and will message .... but why?
I tell myself
If he wanted me he'd be here, showing me the love he claims to have. He would be consistent and caring. He's not. So don't hold out.

Listen to people

Talk to your family and friends they will tell you the same.

Your looking for support you'll get it
You won't get it if you don't stick to it

Original poster
HelpmewithNC · 12/06/2018 10:45

So you ask for help, everyone gives it, but you don't take it. Sigh.

I have read and appreciated everyone's advice. It's just not that easy to block and delete someone from your life when you care about them so much.

I know he has proven that he really isn't that bothered about me and I hope going NC in time it will get easier and easier to no longer care.

OP posts:
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