Ex

[Rachalyssa]

Hi I posted a not long ago about my ex leaving me with 2 children well something happened and we have been having to spend time together he keeps bringing up the relationship and saying he doesn't believe I love him or ever did and he said he doesn't believe for 1 sec I'm even upset about our split wtf doesn't matter what I say or do he has a answer for it all and it's so frustrating.

We were talking last night and he was like aren't u enjoying being single I said no I'm not I didn't want to b a single mum with 2 babies but glad your enjoying yaself this spark off the u never loved me stuff and I asked him how can u go straight to being just friends with me it's u that can't have had any feelings he said he does but finds it easy to switch to being friends I don't get how he can I'm still so hurt and hopeful this will work out and I'm stupid I guess
I don't even know what I'm asking just how can he be so friendly and that after 5 years together

I hope the current necessity of spending time with him ends soon. Though as you have DC together, it may recur from time to time.

I think the best thing you can do it not engage in anything with an emotional content. If he attempts to cross that boundary, then going for a bland, stuck-record approach might be best.

Don't try to understand why he does what he does. You're unlikely ever to get a good answer, so it's a waste of time. Just accept that change has happened, and try to focus on how to coparent amicably, as that is the only reason to remain in touch at all. So him being friendly isn't such a bad starting point

He's never going to make sense. He is always having to justify his having walked out on you. He does that by finding ways to blame you, it makes him feel better about himself.

You don't have to believe him. You can just respond with bland comments.

I hope you can put some space between you very soon, physical and emotional!

He's trying super hard to rewrite history, so that he feels better about himself.

He left you with two babies, which makes him a shit.
He doesn't want to be a shit.

So he is busting a gut to get you to agree that oooooh it wasn't really like that, it was that he was soooo ignored and could never do anything right and you wanted to split didn't you and you pushed me away and you never loved me... hang on I'll just scream it PLEASE SOMEONE MAKE IT NOT BE MY FAULT THAT I WALKED OUT ON MY KIDS.

I suggest you decide on a response and stick to it. And it should be something like this:

(With a kind smile) - Look Ex, there's no easy way to say this - no matter how hard you try to think up reasons why it was actually all my fault we split, the facts are it wasn't my fault, we split because you chose it and you walked out. I get that you want to feel better about what you did but busting a gut trying to make up stories that aren't true isn't going to make you feel better, you know? Own your decision, step up to be a proper dad even though we're apart and stop trying to rewrite history, because if you carry on like this you're only going to make what you did even worse because you'll end up ruining the co-parent relationship we have now. You got what you wanted. It came at a price, part of which is knowing you acted the shit - you've just got to suck those feelings up I'm afraid.'

I love that response I guess he can tell himself anything can't he but he will no deep down can't lie to yaself forever