Hi first time on here. I have been with my husband for 21 years. I came from a strict indian family background where I would have had an arranged marriage of my choice. I overcame that hurdle after a lengthy battle. We got married and have 2 children. I'm not proud of this as I went into his phone. Something I never thought I'd do about 10 years ago. I came across a web page on his phone. At first I just thought he's getting a nurses outfit or something didn't think any of it. His behaviour had changed significantly in the bedroom department. After a little more looking I realised he'd signed up to a couple of chat rooms. There were comments on there which led me to believe it was more than chat.... Then when I really started reading I'd realised it was chat between transexuals.
After a while I confronted him he was embarrassed but never owned up to meeting anyone. My heart was so broken. I sobbed so much. He promised not to do it again he's damaged goods because he was abused as a child by a family friend. I forced him to get help. He did but then stopped. I tried to rebuild my broken heart because that was the decision I made. Then again last year he started it up again. Again the behaviour changed but this time I knew instantly.I didn't let it drag on. He gave me all the sorrys I can't live without you. I forgave him again. I tired to understand but couldn't help thinking what's wrong with me I must be such a terrible lover I must be such a bad person. Most of his friends and family pass comments and say he's puching well above his weight. I have never thought I was better than him because when you love someone that's not the way you think. We both have demanding jobs and are usually passing ships in the night. We started up date nights because we'd both agreed things were drifting abit. Life, kids, work is hard going.
Then January 2018 he did it again, this time he was arranging to meet for a few hours. It made me physically want to be sick that he'd lied to me. Again I agreed to move forward but since then I haven't actually been able to say I love you like I use to. I guess I knew deep down leopard and spots!
I felt we had a fairly open approach to life before all this happend 10 years ago.
I forgave him in January but this time I'd said if you don't talk to me then how am I to understand, and that this is the last time.
I guess the reason I have stuck around is because of the children, because when you love someone it's warts & all. Some of it is also embarrassment as my family were not entirely happy but agreed eventually.
I saw a pattern in when he does this and that is everytime something tragic has happened in the family he does this.
He's now done it again. I have seen a message where he's confirmed he's free for a few days next week. I havent said anything this time because i want to see if he comes up with an excuse and goes.I think he will wait for me to confirm my diary movements to see if he can then quietly disappear with causing any alarm.
I don't understand why having sex with a transexual is right. He said he's not gay. But I don't know what to believe anymore. I feel so violated because he was my one and only lover. Now I feel dirty.
I know it's not all Rosey out there. I can survive financially. I just don't know what I am going to do.