Feeling so low, STBXH has a girlfriend...

[MrsMcBoatface]

STBxH has a new girlfriend, he's obviously delighted with her. I've seen a few pictures on FB (not via him, he's blocked me) and they looked very happy together. Plus I have spoken to him about it, just in a factual way. I should be happy for him but I'm finding myself totally down about my life right now and I'm in danger of tipping over into obsessive jealousy.

In a nutshell:

• I wanted to end the relationship, there was so much wrong with the way he was treating me (he wouldn't divorce when I proposed it, it was only when he had his eye on another woman 'who wouldn't argue with him' that he chose to move out, that one faded away quickly)
• I've been great, my new life is pretty awesome, I can do things he wouldn't let me do, and I've started some new activities, done some travelling, joined a professional organisation he wouldn't let me join previously, I love the fact that I'm not being shouted at and judged all the time
• I haven't been looking for a new relationship AT ALL, never crossed my mind

So, all is great. We haven't yet agreed financial settlement but have decree nisi, but why do I feel so awful? Like a real constant pain and I'm obsessing about the other woman even though I am happy that he is diverted with this new interest. It's really not healthy!

I do NOT want him back but at the same time I'm thinking stabby thoughts towards her/them and hoping it all goes wrong... which is really mean of me, not like me, it's in my best interest that he moves on.

Am I being a bit judgemental about the fact that we are still technically married and he's found someone? Also she has a young daughter and she has been around to the house almost every weekend and I guess he's playing the part of the dad and taking her around to some fun activities.

I guess I just need to accept that it will be hard to see him with anyone else as I start comparing myself and my life. We live in the same small town so it's going to happen but I never thought that seeing him with someone else would send me into a spiral of despair!

You left. Let him be happy. He’s not something for you to want only when you can’t have him. Be happy for him and continue the path you have willingly chosen for yourself.

I would be feeling sorry for her that she’s lumbered with your ex.

He doesn’t sound like someone who will be much fun!

It’s never nice to see someone who was once a huge part of your life with someone else for the first time. Even if you were the one who ended things. I ended things with my ex of 5 years as I was bored to death with the relationship and knew he wasn’t the right person for me. It still made me feel physically sick when I saw he had a new girlfriend though. I forced myself to not look at anything to do with them on social media (had to delete the apps off my phone for a few weeks). After a few weeks had passed I no longer thought about it and couldn’t care less

Thanks itsadventuretime . I do want to be happy for him and I truly wouldn't want to get back together with him and I think he had to work quite hard to get to the point where he accepted it was over as things had been bad for us for many years.

It's me who is the problem-- but I don't know if I am depressed or if this is just normal. I feel I want details of the other woman so that I can 'judge' her but I know that I don't deserve this information and I won't pursue it by asking mutual friends but that doesn't stop me from these obsessive thoughts. I haven't been sad or cried throughout the whole divorce but I've been really sobbing. It's not her / him I'm crying about, I think it's just my life not turning out like I wanted. I need to remind myself that I have great things ahead. And it doesn't help that the new woman is probably much younger than me and it's got me feeling old and ugly which I know I'm not. But maybe it's the kick up the backside I need.

I was technically married for 3 years after separation.
I would people wouldn't judge me for moving on during that time.

Izzy he was a total twat. Thanks for reminding me. A real narcissist and I think he's spun her some lines about how rich he is (just a guess) I think that he has 'discarded' me and she will be his new 'supply' and he'll be totally wowing and charming her like he did with me when we first met. He's not even good looking but can come across as very sincere and interesting... he thinks he is fascinating

Frosty I know I should but I can't help it, I won't see anything of them, it was just a fluke that I did before.

You're grieving the life you thought you would have. It's good you can see it's not healthy and hopefully you'll take the advice to delete apps etc if that will help.

Try to remember why you wanted shot of him. He's playing nicely now for his new GF but he'll revert to type. They usually do.

It's ok to be sad (Not obsessive though!)

Right, I'm going out now to do something in the sun rather than thinking about this anymore! Thanks all for the replies. I was thinking I needed counselling but I think I'll spend the money on some new clothes and a weekend break instead.

Good plan!!!!