In law love, does it matter?

[3istheMagicNumberr]

So I don't really like my inlaws ( don't think that's massively unusual) I'm tolerant and civil to them but wouldn't say I enjoy there company. I didn't choose them, I chose OH and to me this doesnt really matter. Tbh I get the feeling they're not too fussed on me either.
I've never said I don't like them and do try my best when I'm with them.
OH thinks very differently where it's caused a rift with us. He's saying I've never bonded with them and he's tried his best to get me to and we won't work if I dont!
How can I click with people I'd never normally be friends with?
Does this matter to other people?
I couldn't care less myself if he's not best friends with my family as long as they're civil.
Obviously it's great if everyone does get a long as best friends ( I've had this in past relationships) but that's not always the case is it?... surely it shouldn't end a relationship?

So he was "battered" as a child and I guess not listened to?? He is just trying to get you to conform to his "normal", which is to tolerate their domineering behaviour.He will have been conditioned plus he is unlikely to have seen compromise or kindness.I suspect his way of managing relationships are mostly dysfunctional, given the role model.

They can come to you or he can suggest visiting but it is not your responsibility to manage his parents.
I fear however he wants to blame you and he is reacting defensively since that is all he knows..he may not know how to listen with empathy and try to compromise.

Yeah she said laughing 'I battered them when they were kids' looking at me like I'm going to laugh. I think DP felt embarrassed said you didn't batter us mum, she said 'I did' laughing again. These are the points when I go quiet, wth do you say to that?!

@lifebegins50 that does actually make a lot of sense! I'd not thought of it that way. He is impossible to compromise with and come to think of it so are they.
His dad hit him a few months ago When they got into an argument. He came home and told me, I said that's not okay no matter what you said, he agreed but then It's all forgotten the next day.
I swear they can do no wrong!

Run from the lot of them. Including your partner. He ain't never gonna get it and over time, he'll likely morph into them and YOU'LL be the victim... Can't see this ending well at all. Sorry OP.

His dad hit him a few months ago When they got into an argument

That is concerning as boundaries have been crossed.Whilst intellectually he knows its wrong he doesn't know a different way so is accepting.Most adults would not allow their child to visit if a grandparent had proved to be violent.

His model for relationships is likely to be whoever has the power dominates and physical abuse to assert that power is tolerated.All without any remorse.

I left my marriage as exh had a similarly dysfunctional childhood and was abusive to me once power altered when I gave up a full time well paid career.
I had assumed he was "only smacked" which was more tolerable for his parents generation however it was the lack of kindness, love, empathy and conflict resolution that really impacted him and subsequentely his intimate relationships.
Outwardly they were a middle class family with focus on achieving and lots of manners but the basics of caring just didn't exist.It was always about who had the power to control others and everyone acted selfishly.It made no sense to me hence why I stayed longer as tried to get my head around it.
Ex had counselling but I think once he reached a certain age his ability to have insight and change didn't exist.It also meant having to confront the reality of his parents and give up the image they outwardly portrayed.

There was also a benefit to not compromising, he got his needs met.For a reasonable amount of time it was a strategy that worked...until I got so ground down and finally left.

Abusive childhoods like his create narcisstic behaviours or if unchecked npd.

Your dh needs counselling.

And be very very wary. Domestic violence runs in families.

Me & DH were talking about this (not connected to this post, just general conversation) as I think I come from an abusive background and it's pretty normalised to be physical when frustrated and then it all just pass. It's taken years to see this and then behave differently. We also moved away which helped...

He needs to see the patterns objectively. It sounds worrying that he doesn't, think you have more problems than just how to be fond of the in-laws. Which is impossible to manufacture, btw, cordial is fine.

Domestic violence runs in families.

I assume you mean domestic violence can run in families. I think it depends on the adult child’s attitude to the abuse they suffered. If they down play it, then I’d be very concerned. He sounds like he won’t face up the abuse, and I would be very concerned that he repeats that behaviour towards his own child or doesn’t acknowledge or tell you if your mil assaults your child, in future. You need to be very careful.