Single and miserable

[SouthernComforts]

I need a shake.

Approaching another birthday alone. On the face of it I'm doing ok. Job, house, car.. but no man.

All my friends are married or LTR. Varying degrees of happy.

I can sit here all night saying Instagram is not real, he's cheating, she's cheating, they're not happy.. but at the end of the night they have someone to call, a warm bed to crawl in to.

I tell myself not to settle, not again. Been there done that. Told myself I'm worth more, better off alone etc..

I have a long term FWB. he wants more. I think he's not relationship material. Disrespectful, young.. but full of hope.

Do I just grab it with both hands and grit my teeth because the alternative loneliness and isolation is soul destroying?

Fucking hell I'm screaming no as I type but sometimes it's too much.

Try OLD ? Sorry you’re feeling like this op , it won’t always be like that but put yourself out there. Go to singles night, set up a dating profile , go on a singles holiday xx

I have OLD profiles. I can get men. It's not so much a lack of men, but lack of THE MAN. Who probably doesn't exist. I just want a nice man, respectful, funny, caring.. don't feel like I'm holding out for too much but maybe I am? Because it's been 7 years and I've compromised on everything but the above. Even funny I will compromise on, at least find me funny even if you're not funny yourself. But no..

Save yourself love. I am happy and single. It was an awful breakup. I died in it I think, and now well, I just go on holiday, short breaks..... I have more time... People are in relationships, some are not. I haven't seen one marriage I would want to be in yet, and more and more i find my life better. I discipline myself to have some routines. Certain classes I love. Mad about pottery, zumba, yoga.

Current fwb is good looking, charming, funny, looking to settle down.. but also disrespectful, probably not trustworthy.. all my friends say give him a chance! Maybe I should but I don't want to be back here in 3 years crying that he hasn't come home again..

Or maybe im too cynical. God knows

My priorities were respectful, kind and caring. Not too much worried about funny; if I want funny I can watch Michael McIntyre. I got what I wanted! Try what FuckIt says, and maybe dog-walking, clubs (camera?) or evening classes?

I can sympathise, other than the convincing myself online is fake. I know it's fake!

I sometimes feel that I would be a bit more protected or respected if I was married, just in certain situations.

I have been seeing someone recently and he's a wonderful friend, but warm bed to crawl into? He steals all the space, kicks and whacks me in his sleep, hits his snooze button a million times or doesn't hear his on alarm and decided he doesn't speak either of our languages when I say can we adjust the temperature and light levels to be comfortable for me too please.

Really, focus on yourself and taking care of yourself. It's true that people see the way you view and respect yourself then take your lead on the value they see in you. So do things that make you proud of yourself and be proud of yourself.

I have had the same am I holding out for an unrealistic ideal/am I just not suited for this even though I love the idea/am I settling/million other things questions. Then I got tired of asking myself negative questions and making myself feel down and went out and did healthy things for me instead. When I am the best and happy version of me, I see that men who do interest me are drawn to me.

So really I sympathise and empathise, it's not easy, really my advice to you (and myself!) is to focus on being the best complete version of myself. Everything else follows from that.

Why do you say he is disrespectful?

Mountain I have it all, social life, job, study. I'm not short of things to do. Literally the only thing I don't have is a relationship. Which is fine 99% of the time. Until it's not. Like tonight

Love yourself more. Do you have family around? DC's? It takes a long time to build relationships when you become a single parent or person.

Disrespectful in the way he speaks to me. Calls me a cheeky cunt and lazy cunt. In casual conversation.. 'banter'. I pulled him up on it straight away, said it's not acceptable even though I use the word occasionally myself. But not aimed at a person I care

Care for ^^

Monty - yep I've been a single parent for 7 years. Worked hard at my career. Almost finished a 6 year degree. Lots of family and friends around me. Nice house and car. Maybe I should be grateful for my lot.

Maybe he does care for you and you overlook it, he could be the one

BackforGood well then I am in the same situation as you. Yes it does feel lonely but fwb probably makes you feel lonelier.
I wouldn't settle for anything that isn't real.
You might feel better about yourself without him. It may well exacerbate your loneliness.

If you genuinely felt something for him you wouldn't be questioning it. The man will come when he's meant to, probably when you are 101% content being single! The man will be worth holding out for!

And the warm bed thing is overrated... full of snoring and not enough space.

Absolutely both of the previous two posts op.
Fwb is not making you happy. No matter what your friends say.
Be strong independent and confident.
Give yourself time to get to know your new self and situation.
Your future, your dcs' future. Stay proud