Help me not be so paranoid

[TeaFanatic]

Lately I have this overwhelming sense of paranoia. My partner and I have been together for over 8 years. In that time I’ve never felt paranoid or felt I had any cause for concern. Just lately though he’s become slightly more distant, protective of his phone and we’re not having sex as much. I know all of these are legitimate reasons to feel paranoid but I’m worried it’s my lack of confidence that is causing it as I don’t feel good enough for him. I’ve put on lots of weight in the 3 years where I had two children, and obviously my body’s changed massively. I’ve never been slim but never this big either. Someone help me stop feeling this way.

Hopeful bump?

Hmm. Being more distant and protective of his phone would set most people's radar going, I think.

What about asking him "You've seemed very protective of your phone recently. I'd like to have a look at it, right now"?

He wouldn’t let me. I’ll admit I have asked. I know I have no right and we both have the right to privacy with our phones, but he has full access to mine whenever he wants. I know that I’m wrong about that so people please don’t flame me!

If you've asked and he's said no, then that really tells you everything you need to know, doesn't it?

Maybe he values his privacy and doesn't want you to look at it. Does he have time he can't account for ? Do you suspect him of cheating with anyone particularly?

If that's paranoid then alot of partners would feel paranoid in that situation...so don't beat yourself up, those are red flags..

I wouldn't mention his phone to him (incase he realises you are suspicious of how he is being protective of it and deletes whatever he is doing)...instead can you wait until he is asleep and then quietly get it and lock yourself in the bathroom while you have a quick look to see if he is messaging women, or watching porn , check his internet history too and any apps...if you find nothing then you know you can relax, but you do deserve to know what is going on...If you do find anything then screenshot it with your phone as he will delete it from his and deny it and you will have proof

NotTheFordType I hope not

Shoxfordian he has been staying out later and later of an evening when he goes out drinking, I don’t mind him going out at all, but he’s disappearing for longer than usual.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish he hides his phone down the side of the bed which is against the wall, so no chance I can grab a sneak peek, which I’m not too keen on doing if I’m honest.

Im the type that got the tshirt..worn it..etc but this is defo a red flag hun.
I remember saying to my dcs dad that his whore came and told me everything so does he want to explain whats been going on and do NOT take me for a fool..idiot spilled almost every detail even though i didnt know nothing.

turned out to be one of my best mates too

Shammy1b that’s what I’m concerned about if I’m honest, it’s my friend he’s been behaving weird around. And they’ve been going to the same places on nights out etc whilst I’m at home with the children.

Can you talk to your partner about your concerns?

That you feel he’s been distant and you miss having special time together etc?

Fivelittleduckies I have tried speaking to him, he just denies it. Says that nothing has changed and that he still loves me but it really doesn’t feel like it.

Does your 'friend' have a partner?

Keep calm, be pleasant , say nothing and by hook or crook check through phone or iPad etc , constant deleting is also a red flag in situations like this. It’s all very well for people saying snooping is bad, many many people are taken for a ride and personally I would rather know. People with nothing to hide , hide nothing. (Apart from
My mumsnet ) Lol!

Even if you check you may not know, he knows you’re suspicious so he’s bound to be deleting.

If you don’t trust him and he’s not being open I’d say it’s not paranoia, it’s a real problem.

BettyBaggins she has many partners, no judgement from me though she’s enjoying her self whilst she’s young!

yetmorecrap He never leaves his phone alone and doesn’t use an iPad.

mykingdomforBrie I know we’re in for some rough waters ahead I think

Trust your instincts. If possible get a sitter and go out and check up on what he is doing and who with. I am sorry but all bets are off with his attitude.

If you asked him calmly to let you see your paranoia was unwarranted and he wouldn't, it does say a lot. I like my privacy, but if my husband feel so worried about out relationship he asked to see phone for reassurance I would show him - because I love him and want him reassured, because I'm not doing anything and therefore reassurance is easy.

He might not be being unfaithful but he isn't communicating with you sincerely. That's concerning.

Is there any way you can wait for him to fall asleep and then take the phone and even hide it for a day (let him think it's lost) and it gives you time to go through everything....you really have to see what's going on with his phone, he's obviously doing something that he doesn't want you to know about...you need to find out what is going on,

I think you need to look at his phone, it's an invasion of privacy and I don't always condone it BUT when you have worries in the relationship and you have asked him to have a look first I think you have every right to m.

The only other option is to feel anxious every day which isn't an option.

Be prepared to be told where to go if you snoop on his phone. I’d feel violated

why is he going out with her..were they friends beforehand and never trust a loose woman around your man..ever
I dont like the sound of him because of his shifty attitude..if you had nothing to hide and love your partner you would reassure them so what has he got to hide?
But on another side he probably like most men I personally know..selfish once baby came along and unemotionally attached so suggest doing more things as a couple if you can get a babysitter or going out more as a family and see what he says or reacts.

You're not "paranoid" - it's your intuition kicking in. Sorry you're going through this. It sucks.