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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex gets back in contact, not sure what to do

4 replies

EdPear · 09/06/2018 22:29

In a relationship for 6 years. Messy breakup. Broken up now for a year. If I'm being honest I may still love her, but I also resent her for some of her actions during the breakup which, unfortunately, currently dominates any other feelings I have towards her. When we were together, my ex told me that she had attempted suicide a few years before she met me. There was no self harming when we were together, but she would go through depressive episodes that would last up to a month. I know that she has become estranged from some of her closest friends since we broke up.

Anyway, I received a message from her recently saying that she was 'struggling to cope,' and 'really really needed a friend and someone to talk to.' I received a similar message some months ago and tried to talk to her, but was shot down very quickly. This message seemed more desperate. Its probably also worth mentioning that as far as I am aware, she is currently in a relationship with another guy.

I don't know what to do. Obviously, I do not want to see her hurt herself. I want to not get involved because part of me still completely resents her. I may end up saying something and making the situation worse, not better. For example, it completely irritates me that her message was all about what she needs and wants. Perhaps I should forgive that given the circumstances though? I desperately want to help her, but I am concerned that us talking is not helping either of us in both the short or long term. Every time we talk I end up upset and I've finally got myself to a point where I feel able to move on with my life after this relationship. Additionally, her parents and friends aren't my biggest fans after the breakup - so telling them might not be a good idea. She may not want them to know about this anyway, but even if I ignored that, I'm not sure they would even believe what I am telling them.

Can someone help me figure out what the right thing to do is

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 09/06/2018 23:10

You need to stay away from her, she’s trying to drag you into her pathology.

If she needs help - she needs to contact mental health professionals - people who can actually help her.

There’s nothing that you can do.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 09/06/2018 23:20

I totally agree with Tatiana.
You do not owe her anything.
Just say “No.”

Singlenotsingle · 09/06/2018 23:24

Stay well clear. She's trouble with a capital T. Don't say you weren't warned!

EdPear · 10/06/2018 11:44

Thank you.

I actually initially responded with saying "no." But then I got worried about what would happen if something did actually happen.

I will stay well away.

OP posts:
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