hello, sorry in advance for long rant!
I separated from my husband last year. we were together 8 years total, married for 1, no children. we had a lot of ups and down in our relationship which I kept private so it was a massive shock to everyone when I left him. I did love him initially although I can probably say I was never crazy in love with him. I honestly don't think he was in love with me either but we got on just fine. over the years, it was one problem after another in relation to his drinking, sociailising and his need to chat up anything with a heartbeat. the first year we got together, he went out with his friend and this friend met a girl (who I know) and her friend and the 4 of them went back to the girls house and he stayed the night. he denied anything happened, but a few months later, while drunk and when I questioned him 'it was a mistake and shouldn't have happened' which the next day when sober denied again. so I never fully got to the bottom of it and it caused endless rows over a period of time which he eventually said to either move on or break up. I decided to move past it. I work shift work and about a year later I was finished nights and I came home to find him in a drunken stupor on the bed, phone in his hand. he hadn't rang me at work so nosiness got the better of me, I opened the phone and he was texting a female friend (who I know) in aus saying he missed her and their chats... he told me ages before that that all his buddies fancied her when they were younger so again this caused a few rows but he told me I was over reacting. he moved abroad to work for a while and I saw him every 4 months or so. on his return one Christmas, I did what you're never supposed to do and checked his phone from where he was living abroad. there were text messages to a prostitute, over and back, sorting details about money, hotels etc. I was heart broken at the time. he said a group of lads went to a strip club for the Christmas party and you have to sign your name at the door as you go in (I highly doubted that but had no one to verify) and one of the men he worked with put his number beside his name for a laugh and that's how the texts started the next day. he said he never went through with it and it was just a laugh with the boys from work. I'll never know the truth. when he was drinking that Christmas and I questioned him further he said he did meet the prostitute and paid her money to leave and he didn't go through with it but again denied saying this the next day. like a fool, I continued the wedding plans and we got married and no one was any the wiser of what had gone on. I even gave him spending money for honeymoon as he didn't save any but that's on me. four months after we got married, we were at another wedding which was a great day. went to bed in the hotel and his phone was near me. it beeped early the next morning and it was a facebook private message from a girl saying she couldn't add him on facebook as his settings wouldn't allow it so to add her and she had great fun with him. I didn't even see him talking to her but I recognised her from her profie pic as been at the wedding. he couldn't understand why I was upset but again I moved past it. this is where I think my feelings started changing. I started going out more with friends and I started having a 'fuck you' attitude towards him. we still had sex and got on fine but in the back of my head I was slowly but surely resenting him.
I decided to visit my friend a few months later and she lives a long long away by flight. first night out, I met a guy just chit chatting but there was something about him and he asked for my number and I gave it to him. for the next 2 weeks he brought me around and showed me sights. it was very obvious there was massive sexual chemistry between us and I hadn't had butterflies like that in forever. we weren't together and I admitted before I went home that I was married but unhappy (cliché I know) I came home to my husband and I knew when I saw him the love was gone. I tried to look at him lovingly but I couldn't and couldn't get the other guy out of my head. I told my husband I wanted to separate and told him I met someone who made me realise this but nothing happened but I didn't want to live a life in a loveless marriage and this guy made me realise this. I want the romance and the trust and respect. my husband said he did nothing wrong but eventually left not before telling everyone the reason we separated was because I met someone else. me and the other guy cut contact for a while and 6 months later I decided to return and visit to see if anything was there. we got on so well and had great fun, it was full of romance, dinners and the other ;) I returned home and he followed me here for a month before returning home.
I'm still feeling guilty for leaving my husband though. I got married to him knowing all these details which makes me stupid imo. he started drinking heavily afterwards, everyone is feeling sorry for him as his bitch of a wife left him for someone else (that's his story)
when he was sober he was lovely, just immature and an absolute mess when drinking. he actually vomits when he's drunk (sometimes all over the bedroom) and can't speak but I still feel bloody guilty. I actually wish he had left me.
I know I had an emotional affair and it wasn't a nice thing to do. has anyone been through this?
the new guy is loving, caring, affectionate, generous and an amazing lover. just he doesn't live anywhere near me but hes all ive been looking for.i'm so so sorry about the long rant but you ladies (and men!) are great for advice. thanks x