Husband left me and our child for 20year old

[Lemoncup]

I've never posted on something like this so I apologise if I do it wrong.

A brief history, I've been with my husband 10years, we had a very rocky relationship he was controlling, emotionally abusive, physically abusive, would do anything for female attention, 2 emotional affairs, one of which I've just found out about that happened a year ago. I wasn't attentive as I should of been, I did try though until a year ago when our child was born, I could barely support our child let alone him and myself.

He has now left me and our child for a 20year old girl. We still talk everyday pretty much all day, we're also still intimate behind his girlfriends back, I know how wrong that is but its my revenge on her, petty I know. I know I don't want him back, not that he would either but I hate him being with someone else, its like our relationship never existed and I'm to stop loving him. I miss him like crazy and he's told me the same and that he regrets all of this but its too late to go back.

Its like it just wont sink in what's happened, I want to wake up from this nightmare. I know I need to cut contact but its so hard, I pine after him from the moment I wake up. I've lost control of my life completely and I need to get it back but how?

ps, a month is nothing. You were just processing the shock of change.

But now, a month has passed. Time to get your boundaries in place. He does not get to dump you and still sleep with you.

And besides, it was an unhealthy relationship so do as a PP suggests seize this opportunity for the start of a better life.

And please do believe the other posters when they say that sleeping with the two of you with no consequence is no punishment.

Your handing him your dignity on a plate to get back at HER!?!? That is utterly pointless. She is not the problem.

You need to start the rest of your life. Walk away from the two of them. Let them get on with it. WALK away

How lovely. STIs all round

To put it bluntly... you won't get over him, while your under him.

Please at least tell us you make him wear a condom !! It might barely be dry before he comes ( !) to visit you !! It would definitely not be my cup of tea, sharing DNA so intimately with another woman. Not very nice imo.

Are they really having problems or is that just what he tells you, before hinting that if you keep shagging him you might "win" him back?

I suppose if the sex is really that good - why not? But don't do it because you know it would upset her. Presumably he was shagging you while chasing her, and she put up with it then. And don't do it to try and get him back, it won't work. All you're doing right now - you and her - is making him feel like king of the world. Does he deserve to feel like that?

Revenge on her?? But HE is the one who cheated and HE is the one who left. By misplacing your anger to her you’re just giving him everything he wants - now he gets his wife and his bit on the side. Cut him off op!

How is giving a cheater sex revenge on the other girl? He's using you for sex. Why would you want such a skank as your ex to have sex with both of you? Raise your standards. You know you can do better than him.

He'll be loving having you both at his beck and call. Get some self respect and see a solicitor.

OP, I would say that the girl is welcome to him. Stop sleeping with him. Stop listening to him. It’s never too late. The cold harsh truth is that If he wanted to be with you he would be with you, but he’s still shagging her. He’s choosing to do that.

You say he is controlling and abusive, why on earth do you want him back. Contact Women’s Aid, do the Freedom programme and make a life for yourself.

I know it’s hard but get back your self esteem and self respect and kick him into touch.

You need to block his number, say that you will only communicate by email to talk about your child. You can’t start to move on while you continue to sleep with him. Be prepared for him to beg you to take him back then to turn nasty once he realises that you aren’t prepared to play his sordid game.

What @SandyY2K said.

This guy must have a golden tongue cock to have 2 women disrespect themselves and blame each other because of him.

You talk all day, every day and are still shagging him yet he's left you and not once have you mentioned how your child is affected by the split. Yeah, ok

Get rid OP. He sounds beyond awful. Get the control back. You have a child together - find a way to deal with him politely about that and otherwise ignore ignore ignore. He'll hate it.

See this man for what he is. Don't sell yourself short.

Him and her will NEVER last more than 1 year if that because of how nasty their relationship started, the fact he cheats on her with you and her age.

Stop sleeping with him is the first thing I think you got your revenge doing it the first couple of times.
You need to remember who you are

You've an addiction to an abuser. A man that any sensible woman would be mightily glad to see the back of.

Maybe not a popular view but a friend of mine was in almost same position as you, and she went for hypnotherapy. I'd never heard of therapy for addiction to a person. But for her, it worked

If you're addicted to him it's going to take far more than people telling you he's a bastard, you had a lucky escape etc. You still crave him, that's why despite his shitty behaviour towards you for years, you are still having sex with him.

Your self-esteem is on the floor. Understandable. But when he leaves you again (he will probably leave the other girl too, for pastures newer) you are going to feel even worse.

You need to do all and everything you can to free yourself from addiction to this idiot. I hope one day you do reach the stage of doing something about it. You know it's wrong for you that's why you've posted here. That's a good start.