Boyfriend isn’t romantic in any way

[Gmcprime]

I’ve been seeing someone for three months now, both early 40s, we’re very compatible in a lot of ways except for the fact that I’m very tactile and affectionate, and he’s not. I’m used to telling partners how I feel about them, that I miss them, am thinking of them etc. and in the past have been with people that were the same in this respect.

My current bf never compliments me, even if I’m dressed up to go somewhere nice. I always wear nice clothes/lingerie/nightwear etc and he never comments on it although says he likes it if I ask him (I don’t do this very often!) he never makes the first move to kiss or hug me although seems happy with it and has said he likes kissing/cuddling when I ask him. He’ll never take my hand in public but isn’t the first to let go if I take his hand. He’s never said he misses me or is thinking of me.

I’ve brought up the lack of romance and affection a couple of times and he’s said he’s just like that, and that all his exes have complained about it too. So i can see that I have to accept it or leave.

We’re so compatible in other ways though that I really don’t want to leave him! He shows he cares in lots of other, more practical ways (wanting to spend lots of time together, great with my dd, buying us presents and weekends away, sex life is good, he’s very kind and respectful towards me)

I’m wondering if I will just get more used to it over time or if I will gradually get more unhappy and possibly resentful. Has anyone else been in a similar position and can offer any advice please?

Thank you @SweetPea that’s really helpful, I’m glad you manage to make it work!

For me the fact that he shows you in little ways every day is much more important and a true reflection of how he feels than any "show" of romance.

My exh was very demonstrative in telling me how he felt, very touchy feely etc.... but... he was also EA and in the end those gestures were empty and meant nothing.

As a pp has said no one is perfect, but I'd chose someone who treats me well everyday over someone who makes grand gestures every time.

He sounds like a great guy in so many ways but you express yourselves with different languages of love. If you google, languages of love, you can read more about that.

A good friend of mine is married to a man who 'speaks' the exact same love language as she. They are so lucky. Neither of them celebrate Valentine's Day, they're not in to cards or any kind of sentimentality and they get on like a house on fire! There is no romance in the relationship in the traditional sense but they have two children and a very harmonious home life. If you put either of them with someone who needs romance etc, it'd be disastrous...

If you could get over this and accept he won't be affectionate in this way, you could have a wonderful man on your hands.

My partner is similar to yours in that regard in that he's not affectionate and certainly not romantic. It feels like a gaping hole in the relationship and I'd love to be with someone who could even meet me in the middle.

I will say though that your man is being very honest about who he is. My husband kind of pretended to be romantic etc early on and then it became evident that's not who he is at all...and when I realised that, it was almost too late to leave (at least it felt that way). It's only 3 months in for you so you're in a good position to have a nice, open, honest conversation with him. Who knows. That conversation could highlight how you simply cannot get past this or it could bring the two of you closer than you've ever imagined.

I am very unsentimental (in all ways not just romantic). Dp and I discuss caring about one another but we dont do valentines, christmas, use the word "love", no hand holding, etc. It works fine for us as I am comfortable with a little bit outside of my comfort (ie. him touching me in public, kiss on cheek, etc), DP enjoys my mostly "objective" and amusingly robotic outlook on things and also because I think DP is just very confident in how I feel about him.

If it is an issue after only a few months, part of my thinks maybe it wont work, you are too different. But if you are otherwise very compatible perhaps you should give it a few more months, at which point you are much more likely to know how viable feeling as you do for the next few decades potentially is...

Part of me thinks** ffs