Why do exes get in touch out of the blue?

[springbabydays]

Any experience of this please? What possible reasons could there be? It's been 20 years!

I contacted an ex after 15 years when I divorced. I definitely didn’t want a shag or to start up again but wanted to know how they were out of interest really and hoped they were ok.

It was a sad story really as he never replied but several months later, a family member of his called me out of the blue. They were doing a house clearance and came across my letter. He had died.

That was interesting about making amends that a pp said as for me there was an element of that, especially when I knew I couldn’t do it.

He has then followed up with the fact he was apparently saving up to ask me to move in with him while I was away travelling (when I decided the relationship was over).

Not just about sex then hey?

It's reminded me why we're not together and it would never have worked out. My rose tinted glasses are getting clearer.

Soap - we were together 3 years. It definitely wasn't just based on sex. The fact he said that really annoyed me, but as you say, maybe his way of coping at the time??

I've been so close to contacting him to 'make amends' in the past. I'm very glad he made the first move! Wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea.

Oh what a weirdo. It’s one thing to go down nostalgia lane and contact you but to follow-up your apology for past behaviour with such passive-aggressive responses is just .

He also said he had 'accidentally' waved at me on Facebook (the first contact) but later admitted he'd recently found some old photos so had been thinking about me. In the space of half an hour he had me fuming! I let it pass though. I cba arguing with an ex, do enough of that with DP

The making amends is a big part of AA, step nine, because we've hurt so many people with our alcoholic behaviour. However even then it says don't contact them if it would injure them or others.

Thanks @Lobsterquadrille2

I did stupidly start seeing that ex again, and he spoke about earlier parts of the steps, had a questionable female sponsor and went to meetings a lot. I certainly didn’t think AA would advocate starting to see me so soon and he admitted that. But I think he essentially cherry picked the steps to suit and used that one to his advantage. Once a manipulator...!

@SingleDingle one of the main AA rules is men for men, women for women so a female sponsor is very dodgy! Plus we advocate no relationship until you've had a year of sobriety. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. Hope you are ok.

And yes, a lot of alcoholics are incredibly manipulative, but not all of us.

My ex message me a few months ago trying to strike up a conversation about a particularly hot night we had 12 years ago and telling me he was horny. He lives on the other side of the world so it wasn't a booty call, was so weird. I got really mad at him - I'm married with 2 kids ffs!

@Lobsterquadrille2 of course not. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be offensive.

All fine, thank you. And I still would only ever wish him to be healthy and happy.

@SingleDingle not offensive in the least!! Loads of alcoholics blame everyone for what they've gone through - very common - but some of us have a PhD in guilt and think it's all our fault. Sorry, I didn't mean to sound offended - just trying to explain, I suppose

When their ego needs a boost and they are too lazy to find a new source for ego kibbles?