I'm moving abroad this weekend and I'm dreading it. I’m starting a new job, I sold my flat months ago and my stuff is all packed so it's too late to change my mind now.
I planned this move when I was engaged to exDP who I had been dating for 6 years. We had planned to get married in March and emigrate together to a new country and start ttc pretty much straight away. We have been together since we were at university and I'm still reeling from the break up in January. Over the last few years I have spent a lot of time in his home country to learn his native language and convert to his religion. I thought this was forever. We have travelled so much together, lived together since before we started dating and had planned our futures together. We had discussed raising any potential dc to be bilingual and Jewish and we chose the new country (not either of our home countries) in part because it is such a lovely place for families.
He cancelled the wedding because he realised that he does not want to get married yet / to me and we broke up pretty much straight after that. I am not sure I'll ever process this. My wedding dress is still in my sister’s cupboard because I can’t bring myself to do anything with it. My sister was wonderful at dealing with cancelling all of the wedding things for me but we’re not really that close and she’s just had DC2 and is busy with a toddler and a baby. Most of our friends are mutual friends with him and they seem uncomfortable when I try to talk about it. They tell me I should be happy he decided this now and not in 5 years time. I don’t really have anyone in real life I can talk to about this. I swing between feeling angry with him and feeling so so sad that it's not working out. I miss him. I still imagine a future where we get back together and are happy. I decided to go ahead with the move alone. I'm 30, I don't speak the language in the new country (although most people there speak excellent English), I don't have any friends or family there and I'm really dreading it. I will be working in a bilingual company so I hope I will make friends though work. I am looking forward to the job (which is perfect) but I don't want to live for my work. I will be living in a house share so I will be living with strangers.
A lot of my friends here in the UK are getting married or having DC and I feel like I might not get the chance to now. I can't imagine being with anyone but him. I hope that one day I will feel different but by then it might be too late to meet someone new and start a family. I know moving abroad should be the perfect opportunity to start again, make new friends etc. But I feel like after putting so much into that relationship I’m left in a bad position. I’m moving to a family-friendly city as a single person, officially Jewish even though I feel like an outsider in that community now that we’re not together and I feel so stupid. I’m not in a good mental place to make the most of a new start and I don’t know how to change that.