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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

End of the line?...

45 replies

Elephantjuice85 · 07/06/2018 21:15

Some of you may have saw my post yesterday before I got it removed...
If my OH goes on holiday for 2 weeks with his family for our babys first Christmas would you call it a day? I have expressed why I would like a traditional one at home but he just seems interested in this holiday. Not sure if he has booked it yet but did say he's going to and I'm now being given the silent treatment 😑

OP posts:
Original poster
Elephantjuice85 · 09/06/2018 14:51

So he finally got in touch today after nothing for days.
He's basically saying it's over and he's coming to take the baby tomorrow. I've said he can't as baby is BF he said to get some milk ready and he's taking the baby. I'm so scared, I really don't want him do this especially while he's not speaking to me. He has PR but doesn't see her that much or spend that much time with her so it terrifies me. Can I stop this? I know he'll just give baby formula if ran out of milk as well

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/06/2018 15:02

I don't think he has the right to just take the baby, especially if he's not going to treat her well, eg bottle feeding when she should be breastfed. I certainly wouldn't let him have her overnight until she was three or four and old enough to talk to you about what it was like.

misscph1973 · 09/06/2018 15:07

Oh dear, that was quite the progression, Elephantjuice85.

"Coming to take the baby" - was that how he phrased it? Was it in text or did he call you? What was the talk/text like? I am asking because you write: "He's basically saying ..." - that's quite vague, and it's hard to work out what's going on?

Of course your baby is very young, but in general kids need both their parents if possible. If you had a good, firm agreement, would you be okay with him having the baby? Could you see it as your chance to have a break?

I think its important to distinguish between the hurt you are feeling and what your baby needs. I know you baby is young, but it would be best if the father had a relationship to the child.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 09/06/2018 15:10

PHONE. THE. POLICE.

Original poster
Elephantjuice85 · 09/06/2018 15:33

Sorry was bit vague!
He said it's over and wishes he never met me. Said he coming to take baby tomorrow and will bring her back once milk runs out. His family are always trying to get me to FF so I feel that may happen. He does not understand what's wrong when DD cries and will often say she not hungry... cos he compares to FF babies.
When at His parents last week FIL was trying to put car seat on 2 kitchen chairs pushed together, I had to say 4 times no that's not safe while OH said nothing.

This along with we've spent no time apart makes me so anxious

OP posts:
Original poster
Elephantjuice85 · 09/06/2018 15:35

This was all by text

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/06/2018 15:36

I don't think you have to agree to this, OP. If I were you I'd call your health visitor and ask for some advice. He can't just say he'll bring her back when the milk runs out - that's not how contact goes. I would say he could take her for a walk in the park for an hour. Do you have anyone there who can back you up?

Original poster
Elephantjuice85 · 09/06/2018 15:40

Yeah that's a better idea I suppose to set a time on it. My HV was rubbish last time I spoke to her about stuff, gave me refuge number for advice? Feel like I really need my mum but she's away till Friday

OP posts:
WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 09/06/2018 15:44

You've not been in a relationship for a long time. He went home to his mum.

I don't think you have to agree to him having the baby, at whim, when he wants, without discussion. Even if the child wasn't a tiny bf baby.

I'd tell him, no, that doesn't work for you, he can visit in your home at times to be agreed. And be out when he says he's coming and turn your phone off.

Get legal advice and work out an appropriate arrangement for contact and be glad you haven't wasted any more of your life on him.

Aria999 · 09/06/2018 15:52

And if you know when he's coming get a friend over to support you and help you say no!

HollowTalk · 09/06/2018 15:56

Trouble is if he comes to the house and the OP goes out, he could take the baby away.

Why not say he can come round and spend an hour with the baby, then you can occupy yourself in the kitchen (doing anything, just to keep out of the way) and then after the hour say you need to feed the baby and he needs to go.

Does your mum live nearby? Would she normally be able to be around to help with this sort of thing?

Original poster
Elephantjuice85 · 09/06/2018 20:14

Yeah my mum's great she's just on holiday atm. The whole PR thing scares me

OP posts:
Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 09/06/2018 20:20

See a solicitor on Monday. Get residency. If he won't return dc you will have the police on your side.

Let him take you to court for proper arrangements.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 09/06/2018 21:02

@hollow I meant OP should go out with the baby!

I agree the ex should see the child in her home, under her supervision

There is no way I would be handing baby over like that outwith agreed terms.

rollingonariver · 10/06/2018 11:34

Do not let him take the baby. Go out when he's coming for the baby so you don't have a show down.
He does have a right to see the baby so take him to court ASAP for a contact order so he can't keep her. He's done you a favour here op, you can start your new life now. Good luck.

Summerjune · 10/06/2018 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Summerjune · 10/06/2018 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clubcuts · 10/06/2018 17:14

@Summerjune do post this as your own thread but he is not a good father he's an utter monster!!

He's a vile, nasty man and you need to call when women's aid and get out NOW.

What you've said is what nightmares are made off!

Summerjune · 11/06/2018 16:52

@clubcuts he doesn’t seem to think he is, but who ever would :)

Clubcuts · 11/06/2018 16:53

Please leave you're worth so much more.

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