DH and I have had problems for a while – basically taking each other for granted, not communicating, not spending time together etc etc. Had a tough few years with ill health and work worries. He came home last month and said he had exchanged numbers with a woman in a bar and met up with her, once for lunch and once in the evening. Nothing happened – a kiss hello and goodbye and they only met up these 2 times but he knew it was wrong. They had texted but nothing particularly flirty. She knew he was married with DCs but that we had grown apart. When they met up the second time she told him she thought he did still love me and that family and marriage were important. He was really frightened to tell me but said it made him realise what he had and that he wanted to make our marriage work and that he only met up with her because she paid him attention and he thought we were pretty much over. He realised he wouldn’t be able to go through with anything and had to tell me so we could move on from it and work on our relationship.
I know it sounds like the old cliché but he showed me their messages and there really was nothing much in them. When he told me I told him to leave which he did. He left for a week and did text her then but only to tell her I had made him leave and she was giving sympathy. He showed me all these. The whole time he was away he was telling me what a mistake he had made, how he had fucked it all up etc. The thing is, I thought I wouldn’t really care less about him leaving but it made me realise how much I loved him too and didn’t want to lose him. He came back and since then has done everything he can to prove to me that I am what he wants. Our sex life has improved 100% and we go out, communicate, laugh and do things together. He blocked and deleted this woman from his contacts in front of me – he really is showing me every day how much he wants our relationship to work.
I just can’t move on. Will it just take time? I don’t even know what I am asking, think I just want to get it all down as I have told nobody in RL. His mum knows he stayed there for a week but didn’t know why really – just that we were having issues and needed space. I have nobody to talk to and feel like my head is going to explode. He quite rightly says that if I don’t trust him we can’t carry on but the fact is, despite me realising the reasons why it happened (not excusing him at all but our relationship was pretty dead) I just keep worrying and wanting to talk about it/her.
In his mind it is over and done with. He keeps saying we need to move on and forget about the past and he understands how hurt I am but there really was nothing in it and it never went anywhere. We have a big family holiday booked, he has booked a weekend away for us and is planning house refurbishments – he isn’t going anywhere. The rational part of me knows this but how on earth do I get past it and stop thinking/talking about it? I want him to keep telling me that he has learned from it and realises why it got to that point. Think he is getting a bit exasperated now having to constantly talk about it as it means we are not moving past it.
Thanks if you have read til the jumbled end!