Set up a POF profile. Eeeeek!!

[BendyLikeBeckham]

2 years out of a long bad marriage. Not even sure I am ready to put myself out there and don't know what I'm looking for yet.

I've set up a profile (no photo). Probably won't even message anyone! I haven't dated for 30 years. Don't know the rules, esp for OLD. How do I do it?
How do I avoid the nasties? Help!

I've never done it but I have plenty of friends who have. Most of them have been on at least a few dodgy dates before finding people they want to see again. One of my friends met the love of his life on OLD. They've been together years now.

I think (from what they've said) that it is important to be on your guard as there are plenty of oddballs out there. I suppose red flags would be people who are cagey about their social media pages or those who seem secretive about where they live/work etc especially if it's after the first few dates.

One thing they have said is that people paint an idealised version of themselves on their profiles. I think this is to be expected though, they're basically an advert so they may not be quite how they seemed online when you meet them. Also, unless you find them repulsive, it's sometimes worth a second date just to make sure they're not for you. First date nerves can make people behave differently to how they normally are.

I suppose you have to rely largely on gut feelings. You are meeting a virtual stranger at the end of the day and will probably know very little about them when you meet. There will be predator types out there but then that's no different to real life! You will know quite quickly whether you have a connection.

Good luck!

Good Luck

I met my DH through OLD - he was my first and only online date so they can work!

But be careful on POF - it's not known for having many "nice" men on it. As you aren't sure what you want right now then that is probably fine - but be ultra cautious.

I met DH on a different sort of site, but that's only worth doing if you feel properly ready for something more permanent.

Thanks for the advice. What is a better site to use?
The only ones I have heard of are POF and Tinder.

I met my fiance on Ok Cupid
Put pictures up because you'll get more matches and people contacting you. Try to see people sooner rather than later so you don't inadvertently end up with a penpal. Prepare for dick pictures; learn how to block and delete. There are some good men out there though.

Like Unsure, I met DH online. UKfreedating or similar. I made a point of exchanging quite a few messages before taking it further. I actually had a reference system going....it's amazing how the 'players' lost track of who they were talking to and made conflicting life circumstances. Some of the very stupid ones were much easier to rule out. Taking a selfie in the mirror of a bedroom with jewellery stands on the dressing table, etc. Also, some of them would only message at certain times, which would have ruled out being at home. I found not meeting people without going through this elimination process made it easier. I found I could analyse the evidence better, without the distraction of meeting them, and then a charm-offensive distracting me from the red flags.

spongebob analyse the evidence?? gosh. and the lies? I need a spreadsheet for this!

I got some messages. Some just saying hi. that's a bit lack of effort. got another that said he knew I had favourited him. I didn't know people were notified of that! I just saved a few profiles to look at again later. I'm a bit embarrassed.

anyway, I have no idea how to flirt. I can chat for England about any and everything, but flirting? I might just come across as desperate or sleazy or shallow. How do I become witty and clever and funny really quickly?

Bendy come and join us on the dating thread. Lots of advice there.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3265836-Dating-Thread-134-50-Swipes-of-Tinder

The site I used is a bit niche www.muddymatches.co.uk/
As I’m a country bumpkin lol.

But friends rate the Guardian one and Match, but they are a bit more “serious”

Yes, a spreadsheet would be a really good idea. Didn't have access to the software at the time. Why not? Saves a lot of time in the long run ;)

The main rules are don’t over invest and arrange a date quickly, even if it’s just coffee to make sure you don’t over invest!
I joined POF last year, met my current bf (only date I went on) and we’re doing ok 7 months on. Distance is our issue so my advice there is don’t kid yourself that anyone who lives an hour away is a good idea!!!
Don’t feel obliged to be polite either, you’ll get sucked into god knows what. POF is fine, just don’t take any of it personally!!

I would advise seeing OD as a means to explore the idea of dating and learning about your must haves and deal breakers rather than see it as an ideal way to meet someone.

It clearly happens for some people but, and I sincerely don't intend to offend, my experiences have only led me to conclude that those people must have quite low standards

I learnt more about myself and what my values are, my relationship expectations and the type of man I want from OD than anything else!

thanks for all the advice. I'll check out the other thread too runsforcake14

Things have moved on in just a few days and I'm totally astonished. I set up POF, Match and OKCupid. By far the best platform is OKC imo. You get more features free.

Well, as a fat middle aged woman of very average countenance, I've had over 400 likes and loads of messages. Granted, most of those are probably creeps. But it's been a major boost to my self esteem and libido.

I've been chatting online with a few and going to meet some.

What it has shown me is that I'm actually looking for some fun and nothing too serious.

How do people usually meet up and where? I'm thinking public place, but what if I want to go further? How do I know who they really are and that I'm safe?