How to deal with daughter being dumped - feel useless

[mogratpineapple]

My 20 year old daughter was dumped this week. Her last relationship break-up happened when she was at uni, so her mates gathered around and did what needed to be done. This time it's at home - and I'm stumped! Took her out for lunch but it was dismal, so many things reminded her of stuff she had planned. Bought her chocolates and ice cream.

The relationship seemed good - there was no arguing or anything, he just said he felt the chemistry had gone. To see her so upset upsets me and I don't know what to do, all her friends are at uni except for the former boyf.

Any tips?

Let her wallow in it for a couple of days, ice cream, chocs, movies. Then see how she is.

Just be there, whether that’s to chat or just be an anchor in the background. You’ll know what to do.

I went through this with my son. He was devastated. The reality is that you can't make it better, you can only be there for them xxx

Thank you! Feel better already xx

You sound like a lovely mum! When I broke up with my boyfriend around this age my mum's response was that she was angry I had made her upset

I don't think you can do much more, be there for her if she wants to talk, give her time to wallow but then perhaps gently encourage her to get out and about again. She's only 20; this could happen many more times!

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. You poor thing, it must be so hard watching your lovely DD suffering - my DD is only 7 and I am already dreading seeing her go through these inevitable trials of young adulthood. The only thing I would say is to be careful you don't let her see how (understandably) upset you feel yoirself - it might just add to her own sadness and perhaps make her feel that she needs to hold things in. Not that I'm saying you are doing that though, I'm sure you're not. I hope she can bounce back soon.

I may get flamed for this but I delivered a kitten to my DD (we were going to get one anyway but she didn't know)
She was in her room and her face lift up for the first time in months. She never looked back.
She had a new bf after a while.
There was lots of love given too of course from me. First relationship bless her.

I remember my
Mum got
Me
Some Christian Dior toiletries when I was dumped at that age ! Even aged 44 I still remember that !
Just acknowledge her pain and as Whitney HOUSTON sang ‘wehere so broken hearts go , they find their way home’
Or something

Monty if the kitten is still living with her and not dumped on a rescue then hopefully you'll get minimum flamming. However I'm wary of pets taking the hurt away purely as when I was in an abusive relationship I started to hoard every stray etc. It was a way of cheering myself up but ultimately did no one any good. I think a treat not involving animals is perhaps the best way to go!

We got a kitten last year and he is a Godsend! So affectionate and great to hug :)

You sound like a lovely mum! When I broke up with my boyfriend around this age my mum's response was that she was angry I had made her upset

I hear you! When I left my violent first husband, the first thing my mum said was, "Who's the other man?" . She then proceeded to tell him where I was living, despite my express request to keep it secret.

OP - you sound like a fantastically supportive mum. Just knowing she has you in her corner is a fantastic thing for your DD.

Could your DD manage a long weekend away with family or one of her best friends, maybe? I always find a complete change of scene works wonders for a new start.

Thanks for your support and tips. Will be taking her away this weekend and she will be meeting up with her uni girlfriends.

And I thought parenting would be over once she became an adult ha!

Mine's relationship has broken up and she's in Australia (I'm in UK). It was awful! All I wanted to do was to fly out there and hug her - but couldn't. So I kept the communication open, let her know she could talk to me any time, day or night, and sent her little messages to let her know I was thinking of her, her friends rallied round and I think she's doing all right now.

PP had it, just let her know you understand and acknowledge what she's going through.

The cat is very much still here as is the cat's brother who we also got a few days later. 7 years in now so no flaming for me

@Monty I wouldn't dream of flaming you. Cats are the answer to everything ;)